Project Parameters

Not that I would ever be the kind of girl to shirk, but guys, let’s get down to brass tacks and make a few rules. (Maybe it’s the Martha Stewart fan in me, but gosh, I love rules!) After all, any joe shirtsleeves off the street could do 250 new things in a year — you’d have to be in a coma not to. But do I really want to look back on the written archive of my life when I was 23, living in a new city and had the world at my feet, and read pages of: “I used cruise control for the first time! Woo hoo!” and “This new conditioner makes me realize that this is the best of all possible universess!”?

I do not.

So, some basic guidelines:

1. In the next 365 days, I will do 250 things — crazy things, wonderful things, horrifying and appalling things — that I thought I was not the kind of person to do before.
2. These aren’t necessarily 250 things I’ve never done: after all, for example, I have fired a gun before (once), but just because I have doesn’t mean I am the kind of person who, as a matter of course, fires a gun.
3. Conversely, just because I haven’t done something before doesn’t make it fair game. (See also: cruise control example above. Seriously, does anyone know how the hell to use that thing?!)
4. Posts five times a week. No ifs, ands, or buts. (But extended hangovers? Wiggle room. Come on, guys, I’m a reasonable person.)
5. While I’m willing to significantly shake up my life, I cannot risk my livelihood. I will not do anything that jeopardizes my employment (um, when I get some), puts my employer in a bad light, or is really actually quite illegal. (ie: casual heroin addict? Not going to happen. Casual jaywalker? We’ll talk.)
6. NTKOGs must be at least somewhat premeditated. “Oooh, I just bumped into John Cusack on the street! I would hardly say I’m the kind of girl who routinely runs into John Cusack…”* won’t cut it. “Whoa, there is a fountain in which I am not swimming. Rectify!” totally will.
7. This is so “Truth or Dare” I can’t believe I even have to be stern with myself about it, but: no matter how vile or terrible what I do is, I cannot tell people I am doing it for a blog. Sounds like fun and games now, right? But just wait until I take a spin as the kind of person who makes phone calls from a public restrooms. I’m shuddering already.
8. That’s it. Here’s to a friggin’ wonderful year!

*Lies and propaganda. I stood in line behind John Cusack at a fro yo emporium a few years ago, and accidentally-on-purpose bumped into him TWICE. So John Cusack and I are basically best friends. Gosh, John, fall out of love with me already.

Tagged as: housekeeping