NTKOG #22: The kind of girl who, denied the level of service she feels she deserves, throws a full-on temper tantrum in a store.
I am: pretty easy to deal with. I get pissed if I’m being taken advantage of, sure, but I try to walk a mile in the other guy’s loafers, etc.
I am not: great about making my needs known.
The Scene: A Fed-Ex/Kinko’s in Brookline, logged into the computer to attempt to print invitations to an upcoming murder mystery cocktail party I’m hosting with Sister. We’ve configured the invitations properly and are attempting to print them double-sided, but for unclear reasons, the machine keeps spitting out unwanted and not-inexpensive single-sided copies! So I walk up to the counter and nicely but firmly request the employee’s attention.
Now, to preface, an important piece of information: I am a secretary. I am seriously, professionally, actually-kind-of-on-purpose a secretary. The value of this is two-fold. One: I can scan, collate, paper-cut and mail merge your friggin’ face off, all without taking my eyes off the coffee I’m making for you. And two, as maybe you can guess, I have a lot of sympathy for (other) people with crappy jobs. There is no greater friend of the proletariat than I, is what I’m saying.
Maggie screwed it up for the rest of us by making secretarial work look so glamorous and un-demeaning.
So as I escort Chubby, Unpleasant Kinko’s Guy to my computer, I explain that we’ve set up the computer properly. As he sits down with Sister to look at the problem, he proceeds to bark out: “Did you set the computer to double-sided?!” Um. Yeah. He steals the mouse and reclicks all the options we’ve selected and hits print. Still single-sided.
CUKG: Well, I guess it isn’t working. You’ll have to print it single-sided.
TKOG: Okay, so can we get our money back for the copies we didn’t want?
CUKG: JESUS HOLD ON ONE SECOND, LADY, I’M GETTING TO THAT.
And so employee of the month stalks off into a back room to — I imagine — wave the magic Kinko’s wand to learn how to work with friggin’ Office Suite or, that failing, grab some refund paperwork. I wait, gently sauteeing in indignation, for four minutes for the situation to resolve, never taking my eyes off of the door. Eventually, we hear a toilet flush. Employee storms back out, without taking a second look at us.
After working a bit more on the invitations, Sister and I are ready to take off. On our way out, I push my way to the front of the store, and command the attention of Equally Incompetent But Nicer Employee.
TKOG: The computer wasn’t working properly. Can we please get a printing refund?
EIBNE [who has obviously been warned this was coming]: Sure, just hand me back the card.
TKOG: Is the gentleman who …helped us here? The one in the striped shirt?
EIGNE: He’s on break.
TKOG: Well, can you give me his name and the number of the corporate office? His behavior was entirely inappropriate and I think a manager needs to hear about it:
EIGNE: His name is Dave. Here’s a feedback form you can fill out and drop in a mailbox.
TKOG: Give me a number, please. I need to tell a person how rude he was!
EIGNE: Uh, dude, the number’s on there.
The Verdict: I maintained my huffy look until I had snatched the paper and turned my back, but threw it away on the walk home. I mean, Dave and I have a lot in common. We’re both in demeaning jobs without a lot of growth potential. The biggest difference between him and me is that I don’t take out my bad attitude on the people I come in contact with during the workday. And I’d like to keep it that way.
Plus, come on, no matter what we all think of each other, if there’s ever going to be a glorious friggin’ revolution, we secretaries and clerks and retail grunts all have to have each other’s backs, or else how in the world can the streets ever run with the blood of gutted bourgeois fatcats? Er. I mean. Woo capitalism!
{ 19 comments… read them below or add one }
Your tags are hysterical. That is all.
la aventurista is right, your taglines are priceline.
I’m sorry you had such bad service, but laughed at the fact that Dave left and went to the bathroom never to return.
Guess he was taught to walk away from a troubling situation as a child.
British moment – Is “Brookline” a mis-spelling of “Brooklyn”, or a different place entirely? In the first case, hint as to where please?
I agree; I’m normally “not this kind of guy”, but I’d expect better service in this situation too.
@la aventurista: Thanks! Of course, they’re totally useless for categorizing purposes, but I’m always one for inefficiency!
@littlemsblogger: Dude, I think you nailed it: childhood trauma type situation! Of course, he doesn’t realize that when there’s an angry woman on his trail, avoidance is for the weak!
@Ken O: Brookline is a little suburb outside of (or maybe in? I don’t know the city all that well) Boston. It’s much, much more posh than the area I actually live in, but I seem to spend a lot of time harassing employees (Kinko’s, local theatre, etc.) there!
Never underestimate the power of making a scene.
Even though I work in a service industry myself, and will be the most understanding customer when something is not the fault of the person assisting me. However, I have zero tolerance for stupid. Not much more for careless.
And making a scene is cathartic.
These get better EVERY TIME. Thank you for the good things your writing does for my soul.
@ TKOG, thanks. I’ve managed the goal of “learning something new today” :D
This could have easily turned into “Not the kind of girl who smacked a stupid Kinko’s employee upside the head.”
i’m sure this is entirely inappropriate and way too soon, but our lab has concocted a murder mystery within our lab concerning the research assistant who is about to be married this friday.
we have several serial killer suspects (it’s really odd how many people in this lab would be the first suspects for that, too), but only one truly fits the, “but he was so nice!” category (unfortunately, it is not togs, although i still maintain he would be the best pick).
and instead of being found in a wall, she will be found at the bottom of the water maze, where she was dumped after having been drugged by a boat-load of ketamine.
there may have also been a love triangle, we haven’t worked out all the details yet.
anyway, this was all to say i love the idea of a murder mystery cocktail party! unfortunately, i would only respond to the invites of those whose are properly two-sided. ;P
hahaha, Dave might get 15 minutes of fame from this! If I lived anywhere near Brookline, or even knew where it was, I’d have sudden copying needs just to go over and see him.
But then I have a penchant for pain. I’ll let you know when Dave asks me on a date to the papermill, and then throws me in some big churning vat of wtf and I barely escape with my life.
Nice blog!
You know, I think that everyone should do a mandatory two years as an assistant, secretary or clerk. Having been an assistant, and then having my own assistant…it makes a world of difference. I will be running with you in the revolution.
I agree with Tara. He had complete smackability.
After 11 years in retail, I’m pretty forgiving of things out of the employee’s hands as well. As well, if I give reason (although I try my damnedest not to), I will most certainly take attitude in return. However, rudeness for the sake of being rude? Uh-uh. That’s gonna result in me sending an email to head office. Maybe it’s years of pent up frustration of not being able to say anything from the other side of the cash register?
And I’m with A: for years I’ve said you could tell who has worked in the service industry based on how they treat those who currently are, and everyone should have to ask “would you like fries with that?” at least once in his life. ;)
I went to college for a degree in “would you like fries with that”.
Dude! Thank you guys for having my back! Both in hating on Dave and, in at least one case, my more sinister socialist agenda (holla, A!). I’m headed back to that Kinko’s tonight, unfortunately, and just may end up giving him that much-deserved smack in the head!
i started reading ur blog about a week ago and i think ur hysterical. im adding u to my blogroll, but u have to promise me ull let me know how the murder mystery cocktail party comes out! did u buy a kit or are u making it up urself? i was thinking about throwing a murder mystery dinner but idk where to begin!
I’m also a secretary too. We have that in common.
I probably have at least ten different customer service rants in my archives. Seriously. Mostly with RCN or Acer.
Good thing you didn’t bother with the refund paperwork or the employee trashing regime, I’ve been after FedEx for 6 weeks now about my refund. I felt compelled to use the words “incompetent” and “egregious” in the same sentence.
Also, @mb, not to put words in NTKOG’s mouth, but when you asked if she’s using a kit for the MMCP I laughed out loud – you severely underestimate this woman.
Making a scene…ALWAYS changes workplace dynamics…sometimes in your favor….sometimes not…