NTKOG #28: The kind of prim, joyless shusher who isn’t afraid to make your life a living hell until you turn off your music, put your phone on vibrate, and stop clicking your goddamn jaw!!!
I am: a total sound nazi. That much is no exaggeration. Although, in my defense, I blame residual sound-trigger migraines resulting from a very involved medical/dental clusterfuck my sophomore year of college.
I am not: one to actually enforce my vision of a perfect, noiseless utopia on others, sadly.
The Scene: An inbound green line car on the T, a bit past Copley. I am sitting and reading next to a young professional who has a permanent furrow line in her forehead and is intently listening to music on her iPhone, earbuds firmly screwed in above fuchsia dangly kitty earrings.
Now guys, I know many people out there think Apple products are the height of space-age technology, but a disappointing newsflash: Your earbuds are not noise-canceling headphones. Nor are they noise-retaining headphones. They are merely NOISE-TRANSMITTING HEADPHONES that do not fit properly into your dang ears, casting an auditory halo all about your general vicinity, to the chagrin of your non-earbud-wearing seatmates.
I know. It’s a lot to take in all in one paragraph.
So the girl beside me has been shattering her young earbuds for the past half-hour with the screechiest, bassiest, summon-Lord-Satan-from-the-bowels-of-helliest death metal you can imagine. I mean, so loud that the auditory run-off from her headphones alone is about the volume I’d listen to music on my own. It’s so loud her face must be vibrating.
Finally, at the end of a song about, I dunno, gutting an orphan or something, I turn to her with a sweet, apologetic smile, and summon her attention:
TKOG: Would you mind turning down your music? It’s quite loud.
Future Skull-Themed Hearing Aid Owner: What? I’m wearing headphones.
TKOG: Oh, I know, and I’m really sorry, but it’s still pretty loud. I think your music might be louder than you realize.
FSTHAO: If you don’t like it, don’t listen.
TKOG: I really hate to bother you, but it’s actually giving me a headache.
FSTHOA: I’m. Wearing. HEADPHONES. Bitch.
And with that she jammed her earbuds back in and proceeded to turn up the volume (holy shit, it wasn’t at full volume?!), drowning our segment of the car in satanic wails.
At that point, the train lurched to a stop and the lights flickered. A vision flashed through my mind of the train losing power and us stuck underground next to each other for twenty friggin’ minutes. Said vision did not, realistically, end with everybody learning a zany lesson about respecting strangers.
Fortunately, after a two-minute random break-down, the train tooted on its merry way, and my disgruntled former seatmate got off at the next stop, trailed by a few last lingering notes of scorn and discord.
The Verdict: Dang. Turns out there was a good reason I’m not that kind of girl. I always kind of hoped that music-polluters just didn’t realize the annoyances they so liberally sowed! But clearly it’s far, far better to suffer just a smidge in silence rather than put yourself in the line of fire.
Still. Be a good person and think about headphone leakage next time you’re popping in your earbuds in a crowded place! It will, at the very least, save you some embarrassment when other people inevitably mock yo’ taste in music.
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Love the headphone part. I am always self conscious about turning my music up. It is hard to find the right volume that allows you to hear over train noise and still not be deafening. I am also afraid when I am in the mood to listen to something particularly embarrassing. hahah
haha, is it weird that I’m less embarrassed for my music to be loud if it’s embarrassing? ’cause I figure at least I might be affording some ironic enjoyment to the people next to me…
Volume is tough, though. I usually figure to myself that if I can hear the sound of the train moving, then my music isn’t too loud. But one of these days I’m going to have to put on my earbuds and play my music at different volumes around my sister and have her let me know when it starts being audible to the outside world. The more you know, etc.
Take comfort in the fact that you win in the end…in about 50 years when you can still hear the person talking next to you, you can think back on headphones girl and pray she has some good miracle ear supplements.
“I am not: one to actually enforce my vision of a perfect, noiseless utopia on others, sadly.”
Sadly. So true. I wish I was. But I tend to just let it slide.
I so totally know the pain of having to deal with a stranger seated next to you that blasts their music to the point that you feel your ears ringing in misery. Or when their music plays far louder than your own. Happens to me at least every other day on my commute to and from school on the trains. And I’m always so tempted to say something. If I do, and it goes well, I’ll be sure to let you know that some people can be a bit more respectful in a greatly noise-polluted world.
Dude, you should absolutely do it! As I learn again and again through my misadventures, there’s really nothing to lose in at least asking for what you want. Even if you don’t get it and the person is as rude as socially acceptable (like this girl!), it’s still not the end of the world. Plus, I’d like to believe that most people who are seriously blasting their music are just in the music zone and don’t realize they might be disturbing others.
See, I think maybe she was just especially rude, because if someone were to tell me, especially so politely, that my music was way too loud, I would definitely turn it down. Some people!
Yeah, seriously, I think she was probably on the upper-bound of rudeness. If I were in her position I would have apologized half a dozen times, and turned my music way down or even off. But even someone less afraid of confrontation than me I would have expected to say, “Oh, I didn’t realize it was so loud!” and turn it down a bit. Or at least not turn it up!
i think those people are just that dense that don’t even realize it… like at all.
Good for you. I hate it when people have their music up that loud. Anywhere I wear my IPOD (which is usually just at the gym), I try to make sure it is not too loud. It annoys me to no end to have to hear other people’s music from their headphones, especially if it’s crappy music.
She sounded pretty dense though. “I’m wearing headphones.” Yeah great, that doesn’t mean that other people can’t hear your music. Glad she got off soon and you didn’t have to deal with her music and rudeness much longer.
I routinely walk up to a cow-worker and make the universal ‘turn-the-volume-down’ sign. Then when she takes the headphones out, I mouth my question without actually speaking.
“Just don’t listen, then.” Great. Was this girl 13? Because that was the last time I had to ask my daughters to turn their music down.
There is a universal turn-the-volume-down sign?!?!?!?
Seriously?! Because whenever I’m confronted with this problem, I try to think of a good pantomime other than passive-aggressively covering my ears, and always fail miserably! Please let me know what gesture you find successful!
(Hm, also, it becomes increasingly obvious to me that my life in public is basically an increasingly frustrating round of why-are-you-so-rude charades. Yikes.)
I think the sign is twisting your fingers, as if turning the volume knob on a radio.
Unless they misinterpret it as a “turn it up!” sign, or, confusingly, as a “listen to another station!” sign.
Oh man,
I hate this problem – my brother is a serious offender, and he listens to the WORST music! I think this story has encouraged me to politely use the “turn the music down” signal when I’m next to an offender on the train. After all, 100% of the offenders in the story were assholes, which makes me feel better about asking them to quiet down.
I’m also a sound nazi. Although the main things I have a problem with are excessive loud coughing and whistling. The latter of which creeps the fuck out of me.
Just proves though that trying to get these people to turn down their music is a futile mission. Oh well… You tried.
Apple makes sucky headphones. I have ones from another manufacturer.
However, if you could hear her music, she’ll be deaf in about 5 years.