NTKOG #39: The kind of girl who, when she pulls the “Bank error in your favor!” card in the Community Chest of life, shrugs off her financial situation and puts money back in the pocket of corporate fatcats everywhere.
I am: nothing but chuffed beyond belief whenever I glance at a receipt to see that the cashier has not rung up one of my twelve-packs of soda, or when Prestigious University, Inc. slips me an undeserved check for a few hundred bucks.
I am not: going to feel guilty about it. Moneys: corporate America has ‘em; I do not.
The Scene: My postbox on Monday, which I opened to find the stereotypical letter that every 20something aspiring artist dreads: “If you do not call us IMMEDIATELY, we will shut off your electricity. Looooooove, your friendly neighborhood utilities purveyor of light and life.” Huh, I thought the electric company had been a bit quiet about billing lately…
In my defense, the mistake was an honest one: when I signed up my apartment for utilities a few days after moving in, I received a mailed confirmation from the gas and electric companies. However, apparently at some point, the electric company decided to delete my account from their labyrinthine database.
On my lunchbreak this morning, I called said electric company, inquired about the status of my account, and, at their urging, set up a new one. A painless phone call, after which I was informed that my utilities would start on October 14.
TKOG: Oh, okay, but I actually tried to register on September 4, and have been using the electricity for a month and a half.
Friendly Neighborhood Purveyor: Good for you.
TKOG: No, but what I’m saying is, I used the electricity, so I should pay for it.
FNP: Yes. Starting October 14, we will be charging you for electricity.
TKOG: But what about all the electricity I’ve been using since I moved in? I know you guys have checked the meter. Since I used it, I should pay for it.
FNP: I don’t know how we would do that in our system.
TKOG: There must be a way. I mean, you guys shouldn’t have to eat the cost (even though I did legitimately try to register.) Isn’t there some way you can figure it out and charge me fairly? It’s a month and half’s worth of electricity!
FNP: Look at it as a gift. Go out and buy yourself a tank of gas or something.
TKOG: …whoa. Good thing I slept with all the lights on every night.
The Verdict: Dang, guys! Trying not to take advantage of illicitly free stuff? In this case, exactly the same result as tacitly stealing it in the first place — except it took longer!
Now I know the moral of this story might be “do the right thing and you will be rewarded,” but screw that, guys, because what if I try to do the right thing next time and they actually take me up on it? Forget that noise! I’m going to go ahead and take this as a sign from the universe to keep on enjoying my ill-gotten gains whenever I’m lucky enough to ill-get ‘em. After all, these corporations are big enough to buffer the occasional tiny loss.
Also, I may or may not wait until the “dude, we’re totally shutting off yo’ utilities” letter before registering for said utilities in, uh, every other apartment I ever live in. Turns out the worst that can happen is — really, nothing.
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I would take our utility company for everything it was worth, if it would let us. Good for you.
Who am I kidding? I’d probably try to do the right thing a few times, too, until they insisted on free electricity.
Dude, I mean, if trying to do the right thing always resulted in free electricity I’d be Mother friggin’ Teresa. (Who can be differentiated from the normal, non-friggin’ Mother Teresa primarily by her obsession with free/stolen utilities, natch.)
I am with fB. I always try to do the right thing a few times, but then just take it. For example, the idiots at the supermarket always used to forget to charge my ex-bf for the kitty litter on the bottom of the cart. We would ALWAYS tell them at least twice, but after that, Giant, we ain’t going back to the store when we realize you didn’t charge us at home.
I’m with f.B. If I could find a way to anally rape Pepco with an oversized spork, I would totally do it.
Step one: Obtain or design an over-sized spork…
Speaking of sporks, if you think about it, the spork is like the skort of cutlery. I’ve always hated skorts with an irrational passion.
Imagine yourself walking down the street and an attractive young lady approachs you in the other direction. She’s wearing a short skirt and looks damn good in it. She passes you by and turn your head to catch a quick glimpse of her retreating legs. DOH! She’s wearing shorts on the backside! You feel cheated somehow and dirty. She’s actually been wearing a skort the whole time! You realize you’ve been tricked by a devious, cold hearted woman yet again and your previously lighthearted demeanor descends into bitter introspection and dreams of violence against the inventor of that…thing. Damn you skort inventor, damn you.
As you tell it, it was totally their fault. Think of it the other way; if they found out they’d been under-billing you on estimated bills for years they’d just hit you with a bill for $LOTS, and neither offer to eat it nor immediately offer an installment plan.
Firstly, I already am in love with your blog for its uniqueness. Secondly, I was in a similar situation once that involved the New Jersey Natural Gas Company. However, they took me up on my offer to pay what I had used even though there was an error on their part. I ended up paying $480 that, had I kept my stupid mouth shut, I wouldn’t have had to pay. I re-paid them by peeing in their parking lot one night on the way home from a bar. [in my defense, I was drunk and when I asked the person driving to pull over, he chose that parking lot. Still, it felt good - both the peeing and the "pissing" on the Gas Company.]
Dude, thank you so much for the kind words about my blog! And, more importantly, PALE WALTZING LORD IS $480 A TON OF MONEY! Holy moly. That is like the most of money.
You, madam, have officially convinced me to never do the right thing! It just can’t be worth it!
I may or may not have accepted a large check from A Fancy University that I may or may not have deserved. If I did take it, I will give it back if they notice! But what if they don’t? Muahahah.
If a person on the street drops a $20 bill on the ground, I’ll try to do right by them and let them know about it. If a public utility F’s up…I say tough shit. They can bite me. Its their own incompetence and inflexibility that has a) caused the problem to begin with and b) renders them incapable of collecting on the amount. Fuck ‘em.