In a few days, I’ll be two months into this little project — about a sixth of the way through — and it seems incredible to me that only a few months ago I was sitting out late one night on our balmy Vegas lanai, explaining the first glimpses of this project to my father, and doubting whether it would actually change me as a person.
I can’t tell you what I’m going to know about myself by August 23, 2010, but this much I can already say for certain: Not That Kind of Girl already made some huge changes to who I am, how I approach social situations, and even how much joy I can suck from my day to day life.
Because the vast majority of this blog is explained through anecdotes, I realize there isn’t a firm barometer of how much I have changed in my minor daily interactions. Indeed, since I started the blog, so much of my outlook has drastically altered that little interactions that would have shocked me just a few months ago have become part of the fabric of my everyday life, things I don’t even think to share on the blog.
So a few words on big realizations that I’ve reached during this process, that truly do crop up in every moment — even the ones I don’t blog about:
If I want something, I ask for it. Period. Turns out, as I had always hoped, people are nice. They, for the most part, want you to be happy, as long as it doesn’t infringe on their own happiness. Since I’ve started this blog, I’ve started telling people “No” when I need to, or letting them know when they’ve made me uncomfortable. If I think a stranger can help me with some daunting physical or social task, I ask for that help without being afraid of what they’ll think. A concrete example: when I’m in a store and there’s no one behind me in line, sometimes I’ll just straight up ask for a discount. And at least a quarter of the time, the employee will actually hook me up with a discount or coupon or let me know about some hidden sale. Sweet financial repercussions, guys. And truly, the worst anyone has said was no.
I don’t waste nearly as much energy on embarrassment. Most people, it seems, aren’t as catastrophically obsessed with me as I am with myself. I used to be entirely paranoid about what people thought. Like, unable to walk into the restroom in a restaurant without making that little handwashing pantomime, lest people realize I was going to go pee; unwilling to nod my head or tap my knee to the rhythm of the song on my iPod, lest strangers judge my taste in music; unhappy when forced to ask people on the street for directions or sometimes even recommendations for local hang-outs. I do all of those things now, and more. I mean, really, kind of whatever I want. The most reaction I’ve ever garnered was an occasional askew glance, but you know what? Screw you, askew glancer. I’ll never see you again and meanwhile I’m the empress of my own universe, able to indulge whatever little eccentricities amuse me.
People are lonely. Or at least happy to engage in a little polite conversation. This is big. Even though this doesn’t always come across, I’m extremely introverted. One of those people who’s hard to get to know, but ultimately worth knowing — eventually. I had a hard time even talking to acquaintances. Now? I talk to three or four strangers a day. Nothing huge or life-changing, but if a woman in front of me in line is wearing a truly divine skirt, I compliment it. If the guy next to me on the T is wheeling a suitcase, I’ll ask where he’s going. And often these comments are met with a nice reply and then left at that. But sometimes they’ve turned into absolutely charming ten- or fifteen-minute conversations that have taught me new things about the city or just put a smile on my face for the next few hours.
My friends are total badasses. Okay, this one I knew before, but still, it should never go without saying: I am touched and humbled every day when my amazing friends and family are so incredibly supportive of this project. Moving cross-country and out of a relationship with a man I still loved was — to understate my case — a pretty fraught decision, and I am truly blessed to have friends who are so enthusiastic about all the little changes I am making to try to lead my best possible life. They follow my dang rambly anecdotes, come up with prospective NTKOGS (suggestions always welcome and desired!), and are just generally amazing friggin’ dudes. I am especially thrilled at how close this move has brought me to my sister, who I love beyond all measure, and who has been my biggest fan and promoter right from the start.
You are badasses too. I love you guys for commenting and emailing and actually kind of caring about this random girl who wants what everyone else wants — to be happy, to be brave, and to be just a little bit more than she thought she could ever be. I’ve discovered some amazing blogs through comments here, and have had some great exchanges. I’m totally inspired by you guys and reading about your lives.
Oh, and it turns out I like coffee and baseball. I know I said I didn’t, even after NTKOGing them, but the other day my sister and I watched a Sox game the whole way through (boo that they’re out of the playoffs, but as long as the Angels beat the Yankees, all is right with the world) and I friggin’ loved it. I drink a cup of coffee every few days. I’ve discovered new types of music, started watching TV shows I used to pooh-pooh, and just generally teaching my grumpy old-dog self a ton of new tricks. And, I mean, mundane as these concrete things are, it’s just a nice reminder that the world is infinite and, as long as we don’t forget to take advantage of that, we’re pretty infinite ourselves.
Sorry to get all sappy on you guys, but I’m procrastinating packing for what I hope to be a NTKOG-ful weekend in DC, and procrastination always has a way of bringing out the philosopher in one, don’t you think?
Anyway, cheers to two months into my new life — already, it’s pretty amazing, and unlike anything I’ve ever done before. At this point, I’m going to tentatively say I hope I keep doing some thing uncharacteristic and personal-boundary-pushing every single day of my life. But looking at my booked NTKOG calendar for the next month or so (wigs, a risque hands-on seminar at an adult bookstore, and my stand-up comedy debut, for starters!), that might be up for debate at the next state of the TKOG…
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
i am loving reading your journal. i moved a year ago from the east coast to the west coast, and it’s been a transition. you are inspiring to go out and do things.
love the blog :)
Thanks so much! Also, is moving east coast to west coast as huge a culture shock as the other way around? Do people make fun of you for wearing closed-toed shoes and never ever saying “dude”?
it is a big culture shock, but not for those reasons. it really is a different culture due to the proximity to Mexico, but also korea, japan, and china. i work in korea town, and i can’t read most of the signs. it’s disorienting at first.
I also did not move out here for the “industry”, so i get a lot of strange looks because of that. i have no desire to be in movies, make it famous, see famous people. I went to a dodger game, and everyone asked if i saw anyone. i pretty oblivious to the stars out and about.
also, our points of references are different, no one could understand how i had never ever been to vegas.
even back east i would wear my sandals until the snow touched my toes, so i’m no fan of the closed toes shoes.
what is funny is i’m going to portland this week, and they are a bit colder than los angeles, so i’m having to try and remember what one wears for 60′s. it’s so hard to pack when it’s mid 80′s outside. my wardrobe has gone to extremes, i have a down jacket from back when i lived in ohio, and then some sweaters; nothing in between.
I just wanted to recommend you pick up the book “Yes Man” by the British author Danny Wallace. Yes, I know it was turned into a Jim Carrey movie, but I am currently halfway through the book and really enjoying it, and no, I have not seen the movie even though like most men, I have a bit of a thing for Zooey Deschanel.
He undertakes a similar mission to yours and its a light and enjoyable read, so I thought you might be interested.
(If the second 150 pages are horrendous and make me regret wasting my time, I’ll be sure to send warning)
Love the reflection here. Your project “ends” on Aug 23, mine on Aug 21. But do they end, really? We. Shall. See.
I never thought I’d be one of those gals who found a little faith in herself on the Internet. But here I am. And, obviously, so are you.
What an awesome thing we do here, connecting with total strangers just by being honest.
It takes guts to leave a journal for all the world to see, and that in itself is a process and rewarding step.
I love that you have found inspiration in what once seemed unimportant or mundane to you.. and it’s even more effing awesome that you remind us of that, too.
Rock out girl.
-sandyb
sandyb! I love your blog! I like to think that if our blogs met at a party, they’d get along absolutely famously — and maybe, just for the heck of it, drink a margarita too many and cause a friggin’ scene?
Fab post. I’m so in awe of you for coming up with this project and following through with it. You are awesome. Truly.
Both you and sandyb who comments above are two of the most interesting and enjoyable bloggers I follow because you have set out on a ‘mission’ of sorts. I’m glad some positive changes are coming out of it as well as a very entertaining read.
This whole experiment is delightful – at times hilarious, at times touching, but all the while subtly informative about how people actually think and react. I daresay that there is a great deal to be learnt from your antics (and people’s reactions to them), not just for you, but for everyone else, too. And it’s jolly fun (and often very funny) reading about them. I have to say – this has become one of my favourite ‘blogs. Keep up the good work!
I think this is a great project and I admire your honesty in these entries and your attention to detail in people’s reactions to you. Your blog makes me reflect on my own life, my own choices, and I appreciate that.
Kudos to you. Sounds like the meager 1/6 portion of awesomeness that you have become is just a hint of the awesomeosityishness that awaits!
I envy your ability to talk to 3 or 4 strangers a day. I used to always talk to strangers and then one day, I misjudged and when I asked a woman [who I think was either challenged mentally or just weird] how her day was going, she lifted her dress and peed on the sidewalk. [I'm not joking] From that point on, I’ve reduced my encounters with strangers.
I have to say, I’m happy I came across your blog NOW, as you’re just getting started. I’m excited to watch this progress.
!!!!! Oh my goodness! That would make me a bit gun-shy (is that an obscure peeing pun? I cannot tell.) about talking to strangers as well! Good lord.
I definitely have the experience sometimes of talking to someone who looks okay, then belatedly noticing that they’re a bit off or socially uncomfortable. Ugh, like the regrettable incident with the drunken roofer…
Your blog (especially this post) has really inspired me to make a few changes in my own life… Congrats with everything you have accomplished thus far!