NTKOG #54: The kind of blogger who receives (awwww, thanks, guys!) and actually propagates one of those ubiquitous little blog awards.
I am: thrilled, of course!
I am not,: however, usually particularly meme-y. Which is perhaps a moment of linguistic irony, as this blog is all about me me (me). FUN WITH PUNCTUATION!
The Award: The really quite fun Honest Scrap award, bestowed upon me by both mysterg and the illustrious sandyb! You guys are fantastic!
The Rules:
1. Disclose 10 incredibly personal things that I wouldn’t tell anyone in the world, but will, of course, tell absolutely anybody on the internet, because while technology has, in so many ways made the world a worse place, it’s like pretty okay for emotionally exhibitionistic dudes is I guess the lesson we can choose to draw from this experience. Also, I loved sandyb’s twist on this, and am totally switching the prompt up to 10 things I have learned about my self in the past 10 days, what with the whole self-helpy slant of my little blog.
2. Pass on this award to 10 other bloggers whom I adore and with whose words it is my intention to totally HIJACK YOUR BRAIN.
3. Then bounce y’all over to mysterg and sandyb, because blogging awards are basically like that video in The Ring. (Except they have not given me a seven-year-and-counting inability to walk up dark staircases or close my eyes in the shower.)
The Ten Things I Have Learned About Myself in the Past Ten Days:
1: Awwwwww, you guys don’t just read my blog for the blowjobs! When I scanned the history of search terms leading to this blog over the past few days, there were only a small handful of blowjob-related searches! Apparently vastly more people are interested in reading about “petticoated pirate” — and two people are interested, it seems, in “fuck my godmother.” Sorry, dudes, but I cannot help you there! But if I do find any searches for “fuck my godson” then you will be the first people I inform because I AM HERE TO MAKE DREAMS COME TRUE.
2: I am the worst — the worst – at internet dating. Sample subject lines of messages I’ve sent out to guys in whom I would potentially be interested: “Maybe Scrooge McDuck was onto something,” “What’s the difference between a dead baby and a bathtub?” and “Reasons why I’m guessing your brain doesn’t automatically alphabetize (although you are free and welcome to correct me if I am wrong).”
3: Also: my taste in men makes me — as my economist former roommate put it — a one-woman market correction. Hellooooo, physicists.
4: I am a zealot for personal change. Not just my own, it turns out, but everybody’s. It drives me utterly insane to see people systematically choosing to be unhappy.
5: Apparently I’m so old that Friday is no longer a part of the weekend. Friday is bubble bath and apartment-cleaning time. The weekend proper doesn’t start ’til Saturday morning, when my weary old bones have started to recoup from the work week.
6: The Ex and I are no longer a ‘we.’ Obviously this became true the moment we broke up three months ago. But today for the first time I heard him say “we” when I was not included in his first-person plural. It reminded me that the smallest words are usually the ones we love with the most fervor. (Although, worry not, the other faction of his “we” wasn’t another girl. I still have time to win the break-up! Provided my potential paramours are stirred by my strange online missives.)
7: My mom might be funnier than I am. At least judging by her amazing comments on my posts. Cool with me, mom! Someone has to keep me on my toes.
8: Six months ago, I was living in the most beautiful city in the world, with a man I loved more every single day, was surrounded by so many wonderful friends that I barely had a chance to breathe between social appointments — and yet, I wasn’t happy. Now? It’s bally cold, I wake up alone, and I spend more time talking to strangers than I do talking with my friends. And yet whatever minutes I can spare, I spend spilling out my gratitude to the Awesome Gods for giving me the life of which I’ve always dreamed.
9: I am not a non-fiction writer. Despite the fact that this blog, which is basically my major current project, is non-fiction. Go figure?
10: Every once in a while, I say something that’s useful to someone. It’s not all word vom! (This comes from a particular interaction I had with a fellow writing-class student a few days ago, but the details matter not.)
The Ten Blogs I Strenuously Recommend:
1: reinventing sandyb (often-poignant, often hilarious blog about a [friggin' awesome] woman’s quest for self-reinvention)
2: Steam Me Up, Kid (I was literally in tears of laughter reading excerpts of her high school diary)
3: Carissa Jaded (ballsy and sometimes boozey badass Texan chick)
4: Belle & Nel (funny and touching stories about sisterhood that totally remind me of how much I love my own amazing sister)
5: 30 is the new 13 (riotously hilarious project, annotating the short stories and “novels” the blogger wrote in her cringey tween years; sadly, not updated as often as once it was, but the archives are great)
6: Pilgrim Congress (humorous musings and irreverent MS Paint drawings)
7: Fabulously Broke in the City (personal finance! for 20somethings! written in a way that’s funny and not sanctimonious and basically just makes you want to go shopping with the blogger! you guys, it’s an internet miracle)
8: a little lady’s thug life (Boston! boozin’! Friday freebie round-up! another blogger you totes just want to hang out with)
9: The Meanest Mom (yes, a mommy blog — but isn’t it a testament to its devilish wit and extreme charm that I, totally childless, have been following said mommy blog for years now?)
10: Livit, Luvit (it almost feels like cheating to list LiLu here, if only on the grounds that everybody on the dang internet reads this blog — and with good reason!)
The Verdict: You tell me, guys. If I tagged you, then, dude, go forth and meme it up. If you’re a random civilian, then go forth and check out a few of my recommended blogs if you’re so inclined! If you’re a random civilian who hates reading other people’s blogging awards, then, uh, sorry ’bout this. But another blowjob-related post tomorrow! So you can just forget this ever happened and get psyched for that!
Also: since this is already a shameless self-promotion post: are you reading this post on your RSS reader? If so, awesome, grab a cookie. If not, can I recommend that you do so? RSS readers like Google Reader (reader.google.com) are easy to set up and allow you to view all of your favorite blogs on one screen so you can scroll through them and see updates as soon as they appear, instead of struggling to remember web addresses or going through tons of bookmarks every day. It’s basically like putting together your own newspaper, filled with the latest entries from your favorite blogs! And, selfishly, increasing my raw number of RSS followers gives me some solid leverage when trying to do stuff like solicit prizes for giveaways… Plus it’ll help ensure you’re in the loop on any godmother/godson connections that are in my power to help facilitate? I guess?
{ 22 comments… read them below or add one }
I’ve been bad at reading lately, and I’ve missed your writing because I haven’t felt like I could give it the time it deserved. And since I believe it’s important to learn something new every day, I applaud you. (And I truly do, even though in my head, Homer Simpson is giving me a sarcastic clap and saying ‘Oh, bra-VO.’)
And yes, I’m starting at the top and working my way down, and setting myself up for any disappointment that may come from spoilers.
Aww, thanks for wandering your way back to the blog! And I had great fun reading through your comments today! Thanks!
“Maybe Scrooge McDuck was onto something” is killing me. If I were a guy who received that subject line from a potential love interest, I’d marry you.
Also, thank you! I’m flattered that you liked it. I’m off to 30 is the new 13, that sounds similarly entertaining.
“10 Things about you” comments.
(2) Those sort of lines just might work on me. Ok, if the emayo was from TKOG, that certainly would, regardless of the subject line! It might even work if it was from your real name, whatever it is, at least if I thought it was a real person and not an Asian/Russian brides service!
(4) I totally get that!
(7) Maybe? How about making giving your Mom a guest writer spot a NTKOG?
(8) I thought you were a California girl? The 2 most beautiful cities in the World are Glasgow, Scotland and Vienna (Wein), Austria!
omg! I should totally have my mom guest-NTKOG! Brilliant idea!
Also, dude, I don’t know about Glasgow and Vienna, but you’d have to have a heart of stone (and non-functional eyes) not to list SF among the most beautiful cities on earth! Looking out over San Francisco from the other side of the Golden Gate bridge, it’s like the city is hewn from alabaster, jutting up through the mist. It’s heart-rendingly beautiful, man.
I would love to visit Frisco some time, and have seen enough photos/films to know it’s a beautiful place too, but a river don’t run through it!
The “Looking out…the mist” description is beautiful, even poetical, in itself.
Congrats on your award(s)! And good to learn more about you.
Awwww Congrats and Thank You!! I freaking know we would be real life friends! You were one of the first blogs I started following, and I go crazy when I come and there isn’t anything new to read!
I know this was a personal project, but you have totally inspired me (and I’m sure others) to try out new things daily.
And as for your 10 things…
I’m with you at sucking at internet dating. In fact I have recently found out that I pretty much suck at dating in real life. I can talk my ass out of a paper bag in nearly any situation but cannot seem to even form proper sentences to boys (Zombie shirt boy to be specific!)
Isn’t it sad that you get to an age where you are excited about doing nothing on a Friday night? Last week my friend and I played uno. I felt 60.
It hurts so bad to lose that “we.” My ex is still one of my best friends and literally 15 minutes ago i found out that he went on a date with another girl. I’m dating so i shouldn’t care? But ahhhh it hurts!
Now bring on the blow job posts!
Dude! Needless to say, if you’re ever in Boston, can we please go get hammered and hit on inappropriate men who are wearing inappropriate T-shirts? I have the feeling we’d get along famously. Plus, I’m basically the best wing-woman ever, because 1) I always want the guys that no one else would ever call dibs on (TRIVIA GUY!), and 2) my epic strike-outs are great for upping the group karma.
Also, thanks for the kind words! I was going to respond to your comment the other day, but it got too schmoopy: your comment about you and your girlfriends NTKOG-ing maaaay or may not have made me get a little inappropriately teary-eyed at work. I mean, dude. Dude. If my blog can inspire just one person to make a total ass out of themselves, then MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!
Double snap!
So how about if the 3 of us ever finish up in the same place near one of our home 20s, we have a games night? Things like Uno and Fluxx are good for me, just as much as things like “Settlers of Cataan” and “Puerto Rico” are. TKOG, if you like Settlers, and have never played PR, you really should!
Awe, darling! I feel so honored! I have gotten this award previously, but maybe I should prepare another acceptance speech?
Oooh, that’s right, I remember reading your Honest Scrap post a few months (?) ago. But I just couldn’t not send people to your awesome blog! As far as I’m concerned, you’re like basically the Boston 20something blogger ambassador!
Okay, so I just commented on your post about awk erot, telling you something along the lines of “I love you more today than yesterday”
Well, now I love you more after THIS comment than I did when..I loved you more than yesterday? What?
Maybe I should take that as a hint.. STOP SLACKING!
So, have you ever been to a metal show?
If there is any justice, first the award, next the book deal…
Awwww, thank you! haha, TKOG: The Memoir — I could fulfill my lifelong dream of promoting myself in Oprah Magazine!
Congrats! Your blog rocks!
Aww, thank you! How about instead of revealing 10 things about myself I actually, like, work on a blog post instead? Yes?
Love your blog too, by the way! You are already firmly planted in my RSS Reader. I’m still trying to figure out how you managed to avoid portable restrooms for so long. Bladder of steel? Mine must be more like cheesecloth, because I’ve been inside Port-a-Potties aplenty. I also carry Kleenex with me everywhere–because I have a perpetually runny nose–but it totes comes in handy when the Port-a-Potties run out of TP. FYI.
p.s. What WAS Scrooge McDuck onto? This is killing me.
Aaaahh! I can’t believe you read my blog! Is it uber-nerdy that I’m having a paroxysm of blog-crush giddiness right now? Also, dude, psyched IN ADVANCE for your next post! In fact your blog may have inspired me to audition for a “Mortified!” reading coming up soon…
Also, yes, bladder of steel might actually be an understatement. Fun fact: for the first seven months we were dating, The Ex never once saw me enter or exit a restroom. It apparently got to the point that he started calling family members to ask awkward questions about female anatomy. Yes I’m awesome.
And in re: the right and honorable Mr. McDuck: I’ve always been convinced that filling a swimming pool with money and charging people to swim through it would be THE GREATEST FUNDRAISER EVER. I mean, who wouldn’t throw a few singles in the pool for the privilege of backstroking through US currency, amirite? Unfortunately, the dating-site guy apparently disagreed, judging by the lack of reply…
Consider your blog crush totally reciprocated.
I was going to give you a tip that you should NEVER EVER EVER NEVER use the bathroom at The Garage in Harvard Square, but it sounds like you probably don’t need it. (SEVEN MONTHS? I am in awe.)
Um, what dude doesn’t want to swim in a pool of money? Eff that germaphobe.
And if you do Mortified? You must post a transcript!
It was SO WEIRD. I don’t know which question was more haunting: 1) what kind of person could go so long without peeing, or 2) what kind of person could go to such great lengths to prevent someone else from knowing that they peed?
Also, I love your fundraiser idea of everyone bringing dollar bills as the price of admission, and the bills themselves make up the attraction they are paying to see! Sheer brilliance!
Cheating MY ASS. I am honored, lady friend. You have quickly become one of my favorites (don’t tell anyone) and I relish the thought that someone I think so highly of might reciprocate.
/schmoop.
Awwwww, thank you! My eyes are basically big ol’ cartoon hearts from the outpouring of bloggerly affection! Also, dude, although you are putting the internet at a serious risk of imploding from your absence, dude, have an amazing trip! I look forward to reading shiz yo’ boyfriend said IN COSTA RICA!