NTKOG #55: The kind of compulsive Sex and the City watcher who basically feels it is her moral friggin’ imperative to make with the non-stop TMI about sexing.
I am: like moderately buttoned-up about specific details of sexing. Unless you’re one of my beloved girltalk co-conspirators. In which case. Bring a poncho.
I am not: actually sure what I meant by that.
The Project: That’s right, you guys! No scene today! A whole bally project for your amusement and potential edification! Not content with my slavish devotion to this blog, a few weeks ago I started a little pet project called:
(in part because I thought the name blowjobsandkoans.com might be a little too intellectual; plus, “awkward” is having such a cultural moment right now.)
The Concept: micro flash vignettes (all under 200 words) of erotica, focusing on decidedly unerotic moments. You know. Accidentally biting out pubic hairs, sneezing in your partner’s face — all those wonderful, horrible little moments during sex that normal erotica, with good reason, just kind of skims over. Moments during sex that point to the weirdness and isolation of the human experience. You guys. You guys. It’s FORLORNICATION!
Every weekday at 9am Eastern time, the site is scheduled to publish another micro-vignette, at least until December 1. From there, I’ll go ahead and decide whether to keep the project alive, reduce the blogging schedule, or just self-deconstruct the whole shebang.
Can I just tell you how much fun this craziness was to write? Coming up with awkward sex moments (thinking about stories from friends, situations from novels, digging through my personal archive, and just straight-up imagining bad sex) took way less time than I could have imagined. Amusingly, I’ve been walking around for weeks with my laptop stashed in my bag, clutching a list with hand-written phrases like “vom and swallow” and “blind uncle,” snatching a few minutes here and there to jot out crazy little sexual tableaux. Guys, I can’t even tell you how much of this I wrote on the T. Kind of makes you rethink peeking over people’s shoulders as they type, right?
The Verdict: So, I’ve got to admit, my usually supportive friends and family are pretty categorically poised against this particular project. (Sheesh, you can slough off a four-year relationship, pack up your bags and move to a city you’ve only seen twice and in which you have no job and, y’know, no problem, but you start one little erotica site…). I’m hearing the objection that, dude, the whole project is kind of weird and only very slightly funny. And, I mean, I guess they could be right.
But I’d like to think that the idea behind the project is putting my voice out there in a conversation that, culturally, we’re really not having enough about sexuality.
Day to day, we get so many messages to hate ourselves. We’re supposed to be unhappy with our bodies and disappointed with our jobs and why the fuck do you have time to sit around reading a blog anyway? — evidently you don’t have enough friends or fun or orgasms or really much of anything worth having because you. are. doing. it. wrong.
And maybe I’m like the worst-ever at peer pressure, but I’m not unhappy with myself. Not even a little bit. Not even at all. I like the ways I’m doing it wrong. (What it? Everything it, more or less.)
Why sex in particular? Because it’s funny, and it’s wonderful, and you really can’t beat it as something to write about while eating cereal in the morning. And I can’t even tell you how many times I’ve been girltalking with Justice or Kiss-Ducker and a situation has come up in which one of us — after many awkward pauses and apologies — confesses to some mortifying, shellshocking moment of mid-hook-up “omg am I truly a monstrous failure at life?,” only to have the others sigh in relief and shoot back our own tales.
What can I say? I kind of like the idea of quitting all the cringing, and accepting these moments of dumbness or dumb-hotness as sort of enjoyable facets of the human friggin’ experience. I mean, dude, as far as I see it, your options boil down to: stew in self-loathing? or write some goddamn erotica during breakfast. So. I kind of think my choice is the only defensible one.
Anyway, check out Awkward Erotica, if you are so inclined. I feel like this is a pretty okay idea. And if you don’t, then, y’know, whatever. (Even though I know my readers are basically the most badass dudes in the world and you guys totally have my back on this weird flight of fancy. Right? Right?!)
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Um, yeah, while this post itself is pretty tame, I think we can all agree that Awkward Erotica falls safely within the TMI Thursday realm. Also, if you’re skipping out on the awk erot (FAIR ENOUGH!), be sure to check out LiLu’s TMI Thursday archives instead! Or her post today, which is another edition of PostSecret TMI! Also, one of them is totally, totally mine.
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Let’s see, the awkwardness of…say an episode of The Office. Plus a dash of sexy. Yeah, I’m there. That’s totally up my alley.
Forlornication – even the voices in my head laughed!!
I absolutely love your erotica! Hell… thats the kind of shit even best friends have a difficult time discussing. My lord, I may have to start my own. I have had so many awkward sex moments I would like to record (on paper not visually) or fictionalize… too many people I know read my shit and I am scared!
You’re genius!!
I just have to say that I loved your post today! It was such an ‘Oh my God, me too!” moment, because most of the time I’m totally doing it wrong. Anyways, I decided I should get up the courage to finally comment… I have been reading your blog since my sister (LiLu) recommended it in September and I am completely in love with you, but I’m also the most awkward person ever so I prefer to love from afar. Basically I want to say that your blog is the highlight of my day and we should be friends. Also, I just read your reveal of the famous hair dudes and seriously? Dali? That’s clearly Charlie Chaplin.
YIKES! I’m wearing sunglasses so it is difficult to read this post.
Ever since Justice got advice from Kiss Ducker’s MOM (god these pseudonyms are weirdly entering into my daily lexicon) regarding the Episode I’ve feared this day.
a) forlornication! HAAAAA
b) the name “awkward erotica” is fantastic. rolls off the tongue quite pleasingly. (twss?)
Best idea I have ever heard ever. I can’t wait to read. My weekdays just got a million times better. It’s like TMIT every day. Thank you!
Oh man, love you more today than I did yesterday.
I subscribed to awk erot. Clearly. Why wouldn’t I?
But hey, I have a problem with something you wrote.
‘Think twice about looking over someones shoulder on the T?’ Why would I ever think twice? I am COMPLETELY bored on the train, and I frequently get anxiety, so I need to find something to keep myself busy, right? I can only tweet so many times, too, and what happens when I’m underground? SCREWED. But yeah, I read my neighbors books, double check their spelling while they type, approve and disapprove of what they are listening to on their ipods… THEN JUDGE THEM ON THEIR CHOICES OF ENTERTAINMENT.
=)
totally have your back.
now if only i wasn’t working on a server the govt watches like a hawk, i’d already be there.
I’m commenting here because first I want to say I love this post. You’re just so right. Accepting it as part of the whole human experience. I’m very much in agreement.
Second, I went over, and the nose-dripping one and the teeth pubes one had me really giggling. I hope that site stays, I think it’s a brilliant idea.
This is a great idea!
You rock my socks!
Not to be mistaken with http://awkwardfamilyphotos.com/
I like “awk erot” but I think I’m gonna go with “awkrotica” for my, erm…personal files.
Totally ’scribed, BTW.
P.S. http://www.spike.com/hub/pgporn
P.P.S. Or would “awkwotica” be better? Man, decisions are LAME.
Not sure why they wouldn’t think this is a great idea- maybe they are the ones who’ve had awkward sex experiences and wonder if you’ll include them…
Haha @ the idea of The Ex getting fanmail from this project. But of course that would be silly. TKOG has a very active imagination, and I’m sure she’s done plenty of “research” for this erotica project, and she dramatizes so many of our non-intimate interactions almost beyond recognition, so I’m not seeing myself as a character. (I may have to adopt a CIA spokesman attitude towards awkwarderotica: “I can neither confirm nor deny.”)
In the defense of your support network, I think the idea seemed more bizarre before you had worked out, or found the words for, the purpose — the social cause — of this project. When you first shared it with me, I was just reading erotica that was kinda hot and kinda awkward, and I wasn’t sure how I was supposed to react. The gestalt makes a lot more sense.
So maybe some of them will come around. But I don’t blame people who just can’t wrap their head around wanting to write about sex publicly. It is, at the very least, unusual.
But TKOG is nothing if not ambitious in her undertakings. I hope the NTKOG readers enjoy it!