A non-NTKOG entry for you guys — a rare peek into the life of TKOG when I’m not busy taking risque classes or indulging in casual eating disorders for your entertainment.
Tonight, after a long, tiring weekend doing absolutely nothing (after a grueling week of unemployment), I decided to give into my five-day craving for buffalo wings and watch a few episodes of House. Because pajamas were the order of the day, I used campusfood.com to place an order for delivery from my favorite wings place in Allston.
After about forty-five minutes, my buzzer screamed to life. Lest you think I live and write in the lap of luxury, a little context: the buzzer system for my ancient building isn’t one of those fancy intercoms that allows you to buzz people in. It’s a screaming Mickey Mouse cartoon-style alarm clock ringer that shrills incessantly until I run downstairs and beg you to, for the love of god, loose your trigger finger.
So I ran barefoot and in pajama pants to find the delivery guy, standing impatiently in the building’s foyer. He was a big dude with long, flowing curly locks, and wearing what I’m not prepared to swear wasn’t a leather vest. The kind of guy who, in an ’80s teen comedy, would tie your bike handlebars into a knot for lookin’ wrong at his gurl.
TKOG: Sorry, I can’t buzz people in.
Delivery Guy: No problem. I called your roommate.
TKOG: What are you talking about?!
DG: Your roommate. I called her after I buzzed.
TKOG: That’s impossible. I live in a studio.
DG: Well she knew all about you.
!!!! Um, “the calls are coming from inside the house” Stephen King time, anyone?! I signed the receipt and ran upstairs to check my phone, where I had two missed calls from Sister. I called her back, the puzzle pieces falling into place.
TKOG: Hey, uh, did you just get a phone call about me?
Sister: I got two calls. And a weird message.
TKOG: What’d it say?
Sister: It was kind of muffled. All I heard was: “This is the WING MAN. [something something]. I got yer wings.”
She had, it turns out, subsequently called him back and figured out that he was delivery my guilty-treat dinner, and made sure he had my address right. Apparently one day when my phone was dead, I entered her cell number as my own on my campusfood profile. Still. We spent about five minutes just giggling over the absolute absurdity of the message and, indeed, the whole exchange.
One of those silly little things, probably, but I’ve been on an absolute giggle bender since it happened, a few hours ago. Absurd Sunday night delight!
(Also, in the interest of being fair: despite the WING MAN’s daunting appearance, he was perfectly nice and very articulate. Not at all a creepy pseudonymed stalker/vigilante justice type. Nonetheless, that won’t prevent me from stealing his identity and calling my sister from blocked numbers to grunt: “It’s the WING MAN” every few months ’til the end of our days. Amazing.)
{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }
the peeks into sisterhood are endearing and enviable.
<3
Truly, it’s a good racket, having a sister. I’d wish it on anyone. :-)
ROFL – When I read the post title that was so totally not what I thought you meant by “wing man”.
Yea…of course I had no idea that it was you calling me from a blocked number at 9pm last night. Oh wait… ;)
It sounded a little something like, “This is WING… (giggle, giggle, laugh) MAN!!”
That is amazingly hilarious. He obviously feels a strong connection to his profession.
I had an awkward moment recently…weird 10-years older neighbor knocked on the door last night with a half a case of beer from his recent tailgate. Utterly confused by his drop-off (since when did guys stop liking beer?) he asked if I had latex gloves. (Um? Was this code for condoms?) He proceeded to walk to my kitchen to survey my gloves I use for washing dishes and then decided that he didn’t want to take them after I made a sad face about giving them up for use with Oxyclean.
On his way out of the kitchen he spotted Boyfriend in the living room. He couldn’t leave the apartment fast enough. Thanks for the beer?
You live a charmingly hilarious life!
Wait, wait, wait, TKOG and Sister, I have a new favorite super power… “I’m WING MAN!”
I guess you’ll always be TKOG whose cell phone (and occasional lack thereof) causes complications.