NTKOG #72: The kind of girl who, heedless of not being invited, smarms, charms and bribes her way into events with closed guest lists.
I am: officially the antithesis of the sort of person who would be on any sort of guest list. Guest list = big-time yuck.
I am not: particularly the charmin’, smarmin’ type, even if I were actually motivated to crash events.
The Scene: Radio station concert situation at The Lansdowne Pub, featuring — googly cartoon heart eyes — my all-time favorite band, The Barenaked Ladies. Swooooon. (Guys, you cannot make fun of me about loving BnL. Absolutely cannot. The heart wants what the heart wants, and my heart wants Ed Robertson.) Sister let me know about the event on Thursday, and I’d not only been obsessively F5-ing Craigslist for invites, but actually participating in radio station call-in games too. Oh yeah. I had it bad. Unfortunately, all of the seventeen (17!) times I called the pub or radio station and begged, they told me the same thing: tickets are absolutely sold out and there’s no use asking anymore. Also: stop calling us.
But instead of just giving up — as old TKOG would have — tonight I stopped by the bank to pick up a crisp twenty for bouncer-bribin’ purposes, and glided down to Fenway to attempt to bribe my way into the show.
The event started at the old-mannish hour of 5pm, and by the time I got to the pub at 6:30, the other two acts were just about over. To my surprise, the only people clustered around the opening of the pub were a handful of smokers and one lone bouncer, inexplicably wearing a quite Dickensian hat.
TKOG: Hey, is this, uh, where the Barenaked Ladies thing is happening? Have they played yet?
Hulked-Out Bob Cratchit: It is. They haven’t gone on yet. I think Michelle Branch is still playing.
TKOG: Sweet. Is there any way I could, um, sneak in?
HOBC: Yeah, no problem. Hold on.
TKOG: Wait, what?! No. What? I had this — I had this whole thing worked out. I was going to be very persuasive.
HOBC: Okay…
TKOG: Well can I just run through it with you?
HOBC: Yeah, sure.
TKOG: See, I know they didn’t have tickets — it was just a guestlist, so you were going to say to me “Your name isn’t on the list,” and I was going to slip you a twenty and be like, “Maybe I can convince you to check again?” See, it was going to be like in the movies.
HOBC: Yeah, that might have worked. Sorry ’bout that. You still wanna give me the twenty?
TKOG: Well. I’m kind of broke, so… Thanks for letting me in! Totally appreciated!
At which point I sauntered in just in time to hear Michelle Branch sing an Aerosmith cover, and then see (four-fifths of) my all-time favorite band playing from TEN FEET AWAY!
Do or do you not see how insanely close I'm standing to Ed Robertson? Seriously, I was as close to them as I'd be if they were set up and playing in my apartment right now.
The Verdict: Um, can we talk about how supremely well this worked out? In the face of adversity, I just ignored everyone who told me what I didn’t want to hear, did what I wanted anyway, and IT ALL WORKED OUT. I ended up getting to see my favorite band from ten feet away completely for free and basically having a magical evening. Plus I got to have an awkward talk with a bouncer!
Goes to prove that old Woody Allen gem: 90% of success in life is just showing up. So. Next time I want to go somewhere and am told I can’t, I’m totes just going anyway, then asking politely once I get there. Mega win.
The only two bummers of the evening: 1) I didn’t get to bribe any burly dudes! I’m stashing that twenty in a special compartment in my purse, though, for the next time a palm needs to get greased; 2) my first time seeing a band I’ve been obsessed with for over a decade was only a few months after their brilliant lead singer, Steven Page, left the group. His specter was definitely felt, though: although the audience was pretty quiet, during the lines he traditionally sang during concerts back in the day, the audience all simultaneously belted, to cover, presumably, the sound of his absence and of our hearts, breaking.
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Oh my god, this is awesome! I didn’t expect it to turn out this way for you either. Why was it so easy??? I don’t understand… :)
I know! Totally unexpected! Although, in fairness, I think the reason it was so easy to get in is that the weather was pretty grisly outside, and there were no paid tickets to the event — they were all won through the radio station (and given to people in the radio station’s rewards program). I’ve noticed people tend to ditch free events when the weather is bad, because they feel like they have nothing to lose by not going.
I always try to make an extra effort to go to potentially fun events when the weather’s crappy, because they’re usually less full, and only the most hardcore people come.
That rules!
That’s pretty damn awesome! Congrats!
my man’s a bouncer, and let me tell you, bribing does work!
Start hanging with me lady, I’ve got a few connections around town!
CONNECTIONS! I want connections! I’ve never had connections!
I am also 100% adamant that we actually hang out. You mentioned a dance party at yo’ bar in the next few weeks? lmk! I’m all about making fun of people who actually dance.
You do us proud. Proud. Never ever give up on your dreams
(even if it only involves a band without its lead singer sponsored by a radio station). Should you give the station a plug?
Ok ok… so get this. Drummer for BNL, Tyler Stewart (are you sitting down?) LIVES IN MY NEIGHBORHOOD. In fact, he sat next to me at brunch a few weeks back, just reading the paper and drinking coffee. Seen him around a few times actually. Sooo, now you have ANOTHER reason to come to Toronto!!
Just sayin’.
!!!!!!!!!!! Dude, no. No. Seriously? Dude, all the best people live in Toronto! (By which I actually just mean: Barenaked Ladies, Ryan North and you, but still. Three is pretty darn good!)
Well, a fair few of them live in or around Toronto anyway. Seriously, apart from SandyB herself, nearly all my Canadian relatives live in or around Metro Toronto!
As a Canadian living in the US the BnL is a way of having a bit of home with me always :) And I LOVE those guys! I am also raising two new fans, my oldest went to his first BnL concert in utero, just about the time he could hear outside the womb. Snacktime lives in our car and my kids can sing along with any CD. If I switch to something else, they always request the Barenaked Ladies!
I knew there was something special about you. And, seriously, hockey AND BnL, you are half way to being an honourary Canadian.
I’m supremely, wickedly jealous of you. Seriously, I am a HUGE BNL fan. I’ve been listening to Stunt the last few days and everytime I’m shocked at how awesome a CD it is. Also, I’m turning my 3-year old son into a fan. We have the BNL kids’ CD (Snacktime) and it’s the only thing he’ll listen to in the car. AND at night, he makes me sing one of their songs, Pollywog in a Bog, to him before he goes to sleep.
But yes, I’m soooo sad that Steve Page left. I think his voice was really the signature of the band. Plus, when I look at who wrote the lyrics to my favorite songs of theirs, it’s nearly always Steven Page . :(
I was always really sad we never saw BNL together, TKOG. I’m glad you finally got to see them! They were only 80% of the band they used to be by the time you saw them, but you were, like, 2% of the distance to them that I was either of the times I saw them, so it’s close.
I still get really sad about Steve Page leaving the group sometimes. Ed Robertson has always been my favorite Barenaked Lady, but it was really the magic they made together that was transcendent. Oh well, sometimes a person can only do something for so many decades before moving on…
I love this story! And how cool is it that you were all set to go through a whole routine and didn’t have to?
Not to get all serious on you, but this is a perfect example of why your NTKOG project is so cool. You get to find out all kinds of things by doing them that you would never have known otherwise. Mark my words, there’s going to come a time when you’ll be the person who seizes an opportunity that everybody else shies away from, simply because you’ve learned by experience that bouncers aren’t so scary, and BU audiences aren’t so scary, and by extension, presidents of companies or heads of movie studios or whatever that you will one day want to schmooze aren’t so scary.
Seriously, I think business schools should add the NTKOG project as a required course. The Woody Allen adage is so true, but “showing up” can be scary until you’ve done it a few times.
They might want to leave out the Ashley Madison part from the class curriculum, though . . . ;-)
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I love how your project has opened you up to the idea that “it can’t hurt to ask”. Really – most of the time, the worse that can happen is … nothing. But the potential pay-off? Priceless!