TKOG Who heckles you on the street

NTKOG #76: The kind of girl who, as you go about your daily business, decides to shout a few well-placed criticisms about your actions and lifestyle.

I am: like basically the foremost living authority on how you should live your life. Duh. As evidenced by my own picture-perfect life.

I am not: actually crazy enough to shout out any of the little thoughts or comments that pop into my head.

The Scene: Coolidge Corner in Brookline, waiting for the light to change outside of the CVS. A jogger pounds his way across the intersection during the walk light and, as he gets back on the sidewalk, runs across the path of a grizzled old man.

“HEY!” the old man shouts at the jogger’s retreating back, “Those thirty seconds worth the rest of your life?!”

Dude. A fellow street-shouter! Surely, I figured, this prince among men would appreciate hearing a few of my views on him!

TKOG: May I share an observation?
Grizzled Old-Man Muppet: What?
TKOG: Well you asked him if those thirty seconds were worth the rest of his life. which is what people say to chastise other people for doing stupid, reckless things and putting themselves in danger. But it seems to me you were actually more upset that he almost ran into you. In future, I’d suggest the classic “Watch it, buddy!” in this situation.
GOMM: Fuck you.
TKOG: See, that one’s appropriate.

Then he stalked away before I could hit him with a few more of my salient observations. To wit: it takes at most ten seconds to cross a street, so in fact the jogger saved himself significantly less than thirty seconds; the jogger’s life was at no point in danger, because he crossed during the walk signal; ironically, engaging in regular cardiovascular activity will prolong or even save the jogger’s life, and certainly doesn’t risk it.

The Verdict: Sadly, it seems my caustic old pal dished it a lot better than he took it. Which just shows the obnoxiousness and futility of street-shouting. I mean, what are the odds he’ll walk away from my critique thinking: “Man, words really do mean stuff, and I guess I should be more articulate in future” or “The fact that being criticized on the street made me feel defensive and threatened is a powerful motivator for me to reform my heckling ways”?! Hell no, guys. Instead, he’s just going to keep bellowing judgmentally at random pedestrians — now with an extra side of “oh those golldarn disrespectful kids!”

Please don’t be a street shouter, is all I’m saying. It turned me into an asshole. It will do the same to you.

Tagged as: all bets are off though when cyclists ignore the bike lane and take over the sidewalk -- in which case i usually like to shout: "oh no that's cool dudes: i'll just WALK in the BIKE LANE!", asshole, boston, brookline, criticism, heckling, jogger, old people, shouting