NTKOG #113: The kind of deeply altruistic girl who floods the streets with her tears for orphans, kittens, orphaned kittens, etc., then writes checks to ballast her compassion.
I am: too broke to make more than one or two carefully considered contributions a year.
I am not: virtuous enough to make the sacrifices that would allow me to give more. Regret to inform, I’m more or less pulling a solid B+/A- in “being a basically good human being”.
The Scene: The little town square across the street from my work in the pouring rain last Wednesday. Weather forecasters had called for several inches of snow (never showed up) and we were all grimly excited about the blizzard; no greeting was complete without a “whew, it’s going to be a rough one”.
As I walked past, a Save The Children volunteer beckoned me near. His hair and beard were already plastered down to his face. I started my standard response: “I admire what you’re doing, but I’m just really broke,” and the guy smiled at me like I’d just bought his mom a new car.
“Don’t worry about it!” he grinned. “I don’t need money. Just thirty seconds of your time.” When you look at the words they seem banal, but his face was limpid and radiant — even as water flumed down the side of his nostrils he remained serene as a mountain, transparent and bottomless as a freshwater pool. Even his face moving to form words looked like nothing more than the wind rippling sweet meadow grasses. Real Pocahontas-style voodoo shit, is what I’m saying, and I knew immediately that he was deeply religious but one of those dudes who never brings it up unless you ask and doesn’t think you’re going to hell, not even if you have sex with robots and punch foreign dignitaries.
He gave me a lightning-round history of Save The Children, talked about their low corporate overhead, showed me pictures of some kids in the Congo, then checked his watch. Exactly thirty seconds.
“Dude,” I smiled at him. “I’ll bet people are awful to you sometimes, aren’t they? I always see people shouting, ‘Save the children? I want to eat the children!’ and stuff like that.”
“Oh, I love those people!” he grinned with genuine enthusiasm. “When they tell me they want to eat the children, I ask them to come over and swap recipes with me. When they tell me they hate the children, I say I’ll sell them a black market slave child! You just can’t take yourself too seriously. I love those people.”
I don’t know what happened but somehow, magically, my Visa was in my hands. As the man took my information, he told me about atrocities in the Congo and what the program’s money was doing. And, I dunno, a particle of dust must have wormed its way in or something, ’cause my eyes started to emit a transparent salty liquid.
After he handed me back my form and card, and had thanked me a few times, I took one last look at his drenched skin and clothes. Really sucks having to be out in this weather all day, I told him — and what about when the blizzard hits?
“Oh, we’re not supposed to be out here today. The company is closed. But I woke up excited this morning. I knew I had to come out here no matter how bad the weather was, just in case someone needed to hear what I had to say.”
Oh jesus. My eyes. They’re malfunctioning.
The Verdict: Made a one-time donation and have vowed to myself that if my temp job becomes permanent, I’ll set up a recurring monthly payment. Pretty psyched about the research I’ve done about this particular organization. That said, I take absolutely zero credit for pretending to be a good person on this one. This guy was a thinly disguised angel in Converse, and the next time I see him out there, I’m bringing him a cup of coffee to thank him for helping me keep my faith in people. And to warm him up ’cause, dude, it is cold out there to have a canvassing job.
This post too chipper for you? I know! Vom! Balance it out by checking out Secret Society of List Addicts and reading my list of phrases I would be perfectly okay never hearing again (and will punch you repeatedly if you say to me).
{ 26 comments… read them below or add one }
What a generous thing to do and sometimes it is exactly what you need to make your day better.
Nice! good on you!
Good for you – and that man sounds like an absolute dear. I get a little teary when people are so utterly good.
(By the way I have never heard “fluffy” as a euphemism for fat, except for, like, people’s loathsome overfed Himalayan cats. That is strange and I do not like it either.)
Glad anytime I hear people like this, people who still have the faith that they can make a difference, exist.
Um, but what’s up with the sex robots, since you reference them in this post and your ‘phrases never to be spoken’ list? I missed something, didn’t I?
Whoa, I didn’t notice! I must have sex robots on the brain. I originally had another end to that sentence in the list addicts post, but in a rare fit of actual editing, deleted it and wrote the first thing I could think of. Guess I was pre-primed for sex robots because I’d mentioned it here!
Sex robots sex robots sex robots.
Also, can we please all work together to shoot my blog to meteoric fame so the company that makes the Roxxxy sex robot will let me tour their factory? That would be basically the greatest ntkog ever.
Sex robots.
Consider my heart warmed.
I loved this. I’m so ashamed because even though I WORKED as a canvasser for a few months after of college, I am totally that person who avoids eye contact and tries to take on an air of complete aloofness/lost in thought about the most important thing ever, or, oh – do I have a text message that needs to be read immediately? as I walk by them on the street. Thanks for the reminder to be human every once in a while.
Hey, when I was researching my post on the Roxxxy, I tried to contact him, he is currently too busy filling pre-orders to return calls (lots of guys out there who need life-like fake women, dontcha know) but if I ever hear backk from him I will put in a good word for you.
My weakness is Autism Speaks. Can’t say no to them. They are onto me, too. Hit me up on the monthly. At this point, I might as well order another debit card and just it to them. I don’t mind, though. It is part of becoming your true self, when you realize that there is a cause out there that you really are sensitive to, no matter how hard you try not to be. Good for you.
you do gooder you! i want to meet that dude. he would make me laugh.
It’s so impressive to see people out in the world like that. I appreciate people who take joy in those things, espescially when they’re volunteers or not making much money for their work.
By the way…Having sex with robots and punching dignitaries is fine…it’s having sex with dignitaries and punching robots that will send you to hell. God does not look violence towards robots.
High five for helping your fellow man (or child in this case). It’s really awesome that worthy charities have folks like this guy who are not only committed but persuasive.
I signed up for one of those once.
But only because the guy was cute. And I canceled it the next week.
At least it was for the Earth or something, and not children.
Can I still get a passing grade with that?
Whoa now, NTKOG… I’ve been in Coolidge Corner with you when you’ve actually shouted “I want to *eat* the children.”
Well, frankly, if you pour a liberal amount of thick HP sauce on anything, it tastes pretty damn great.
Omg can we make shepherd’s pie on Friday?! Ground turkey, ground orphans, whatever. I just need that HP sauce.
Now I have to ask, what’s HP sauce? Because I prefer my children spit-roasted. Makes the skin all crackly.
Follow the link mate. http://www.birminghamuk.com/wikipedia/HP_Sauce.htm
Ken, thanks for the link. I’ll have to look for that, sounds like something I’d like!
I’d just be skeptical about whether or not your credit card information would go to the right people and they would then rob you blind. Other than that, good for you!
Good karma coming your way.
I have a similar tale – one of these people caught me as I was walking into a wine shop. I am poor. I’m in debt. However, I would have looked like a royal DOUCHE if I had been all, “No I can’t afford to feed children in the Congo, but if you’ll excuse me I need to go lock down this thirty dollar bottle of Malbec.”
I had to cancel the subscription eventually. I justified it with the fact that I serve almost exclusively indigent clients. That’s cool, right?
Nice call!
I guess that these scenes are harder to see in the US (specially too long after Christmas).
But here in Brasil they’re commomplace… and, at least for me, it really kills me to deny help. I try doing what I can, but poverty is an issue so big here (in Rio) that sometimes I feel I’m swiming against the flow. :/
This is my favorite NTKOG yet. I love people like that- the ones who always look on the bright side, and see the good in people more than the bad. Because it convinces you too, you know? That the good is stronger than the bad.
What a fun post. I usually pass by people asking for money too, but sometimes something just makes me stop. It’s cool that you could have that experience. Thanks for sharing.
I’m a sucker for those people, the amount of times I’ve said I’ll donate and then immediately call my bank straight afterwards cancelling it… honestly, I would’ve given about £2000 by now and students can’t afford that!!! But I donate occasionally when I do research, NOT when someone in the street performs voodoo on me!
i’m all about the charity this year! maybe i’ll use save the children as my march charity?