A Plan B is NEVER an excuse for no Plan A (TMI Thursday guest post by TKOG’s Mom)

TKOG Mom. She’s basically the best. After her AMAZING last guest post, I’ve begged her for months to write me another. And here it is, folks!

This column is dedicated to Sister, who should read no further.

Our family marries young. We don’t like dating. Why go out with countless people when one will do. We are not a total nerd family, but hinge on the fringe of nerd-dom, or, as I like to think of it: sensibility.  TKOG’s grandmothers married at 19 and 20 and I married at 23. TKOG’s birth certificate father was only 21 when he tied the knot with me in jolly old Britain over 36 years ago. We are married still and rather happily at that.

However, we are still mobile enough to enjoy the Las Vegas social scene.  Oh, not TAO or BODY ENGLISH or whatever ridiculous nightclub is the club du noir, but we attend events and shows with like minded people and, well, party.  While watching my favorite cable channel “Lifetime,” I began to notice advertisements for “Plan B” a contraceptive pill that could be taken up to 72 hours after sexual intercourse. I asked TKOG about it and she told me that “Plan B” was many young women’s Plan A, but once they discovered the cost they simply let nature take its course. Why would anyone take a chance like that and be be so unprepared for the inevitable: sex (x-e-s if Sister is still with us)? This could be a quarter of a million dollar 15 minute mistake.

TKOG Mom out partying with one of the many candidates for TKOG's actual father.

Wild partying as a single in college (and never in high school) was not something that I particularly enjoyed as it never took much alcohol to get me looped. Still, I did drink and once drunk became very interested in the opposite sex. One night stands even in the late 60s and early 70s were frowned upon for “college girls like me” and I held my ground. It was tempting when the guy was really good looking and out of my league, but I refrained with regrets. Oh, and I had a steady boyfriend.

Once I decided that boyfriend, alcohol and potential sex might be a good combination I sought out various protection in the form of foams and pills. I devised a Plan A based on research in Cosmopolitan magazine and Jacqueline Susann novels. As an 18 year old at the most Prestigious Southern California Public University I  found Planned Parenthood in the student handbook.  I was the first on my dorm floor to actually find it tucked away in a tiny office on the renown campus medical center. I can still see the disapproving face of the nurse in her pointed white cap  when I asked for birth control pills. (Historians note: 1968 was the first year this PSCPU allowed men in the women’s dorm rooms for a few hours every week, although some were rumored to sneak in via the fire escape and spend the night.)

I had a Plan A. There was no Plan B except back alley abortions. Roe v. Wade was still a dream and women and men reluctantly married if they conceived a child. Single parenthood was not an issue because “nice girls” just did not have babies.  Many of my friends married without “testing the merchandise” and many divorced when they discovered they were sexually incompatible or that their husbands were gay. No one was homosexual in those days except for “The Boys In The Band” — not even the gorgeous Rock Hudson.

So, dear readers, if you are in a partying mood remember to be prepared.  Plan B is never your Plan A. Sex is a silly exchange of bodily fluids and rumored to be fun. Condoms are available everywhere and should be in your purses and wallets (and hopefully not the same one from middle school). Let us all remember the scene in the film Must Love Dogs (2005) where Diane Lane and John Cusack drive around for hours trying to buy a condom without success and thus ruin what would have been an amazing hook-up.

So Sister if you are still reading (which I sincerely doubt), truly you were immaculately conceived. Happily I no longerrequire any of these methods as I am post menopausal (Plan C), but one must admit that the K-Y Yours and Mine jelly advertised on “Lifetime” certainly does look interesting. Perhaps it is a good thing to carry in one’s purse along with adequate condoms for oneself and to pass out to friends and family. Remember be prepared and have a Plan A, and if you do flub up, shell out the cash and buy Plan B. It’s worth it; you’re worth it.

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You can probably imagine dinnertime discussions at TKOG’s childhood home. For more TMI glory, check out the Liv It, Luv It archives!

Tagged as: birth control, contraception, guest post, plan b, sex, there is really nothing i can add to this glorious post