Hey loves, it’s Monday! That means it’s time for my weekly column at Life As A Human! Check out my harrowing tale of SLAPPING A DUDE IN THE FACE. Unlike the one other time I’ve done this, this time I didn’t end up with a palmful of popped pimple. (Oh high school.)
NTKOG #165: The kind of relentlessly demanding consumer who, if you don’t live up to her exacting standards, makes you try, try again.
I am: convinced it’s easier to accept myself that my perception of a situation is the problem, rather than accusing someone of shoddy workmanship.
I am not: extending this courtesy to sending back dishes in restaurants, obviously, at which I am a record-holder in my age bracket.
The Scene: The low-rent Cambridge nail salon across the street from my weekend office. So, remember that time I got a manicure and claimed it was an unnatural affront to my cuticles through which I’d never again willingly suffer? And also that time I promised to stop writing like Yoda? WRONG ON BOTH COUNTS.
Throughout the the reign of my last manicure, every time a flake of polish chipped off, my heart throbbed painfully. By the time two weeks had passed, I had already picked out fifty fantasy colors, and was at a Jonas-Brothers-world-tour pitch of girlish squee, awaiting my next appointment.
On Saturday morning, I skipped into the salon bright and early, elbowed my way through the weekend throng, and picked out a gorgeous shade of gold/coral. Waited a few minutes, then was ushered to the table by the male nail technician. Good news: this manicure only took about fifteen minutes; bad news: uh, it only took fifteen minutes?
By the time I’d stumbled to the crowded drying table, read two pages of Maxim, then been ushered to the street, I hadn’t had a moment to take a critical look at the job in good light. Held up my nail, anticipating slick high-gloss perfection and — ugh. Horrible. The polish didn’t reach the ends of the nailbeds, there were tiny smudges everywhere, and, worst of all, the polish had dried in a thick swirl of bubbles.
Maybe the guy was going for an under-the-sea theme to match the coral?
Post-do-over manicure. Much better but I still think I could do as good a job on my own. If I had the patience to paint my nails. Which I don't. I guess that's kind of the point.
For three hours I angsted, debating whether I should try to stick it out or just run to CVS for emergency nail polish removal. Then it hit me: dude, I paid for a service. I didn’t receive the service. Frig it, I was going to get a do-over.
When I went back to the salon, the dude’s face twisted into a mask of grotesque consternation the second he saw me. “Uh, hey, I was here a few hours ago. I got a manicure. And the thing is — it doesn’t look very good. I think it dried funny or the polish was too old?” Or you did kind of a crappy job.
He called over a cabal of manicurists to pore over my cuticles. After they barked to each other at great length in Vietnamese, the guy locked eyes with me. “You hit something and smudged them.” Oh, you got me, sir. I spent the afternoon at Home Depot playing with the sandpaper samples — is that not standard manicure maintenance?
I was ready to slink out, miffed and distressed, but without even a flicker of contrition, the dude told me to pick my color, then set me up at a table. Somehow, it took six different manicurists to remove the polish and repaint my nails — all of them shouting angrily to each other across the room at the time. I assume each of them wanted an up-close look at the ungrateful brat who demanded a second free manicure. But whatever, if I can’t understand your insults, then I am immune to them. A little tip I picked up from the international rubber/glue conference of aught-six.
The only major moment of awkwardness: just before the first coat of polish came on, I debated with myself at length as to whether to re-tip. On the one hand, why should I be financially responsible for someone else doing a horrible job? On the other, it wasn’t the replacement technician’s fault that he co-worker’s performance was less than stellar, and I was stealing her time away from real paying clients. Dilemma resolved when the technician immediately took said first hand and started varnishing it before I could reach for my wallet.
The Verdict: I got what I want, but at what price? In retrospect, I really shouldn’t have been afraid to slow the manicurist down the first time, examine the job, and tell him on the spot if I thought it needed redoing. But if trapped in this situation again, I’d get the money out to tip immediately, so the employee could at least see I had the most upright of intentions.
That, and I’m so never going back to this nail salon again. Who knows how many nicknames I’ve amassed there by now?!
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That’s SO weird that they responded so poorly to you coming back– every nail salon I’ve gone to has always had a “If it fucks up within 2 days, come back & we’ll fix it free” policy. Whether I smudged it going out the door, it’s chipped or what. Because you’re right– you’re PAYING for a service. If they did a crap job, that’s their fault, and it should be within their policies to fix it anyhow.
Good for you for going back!
!!! Jealous! I want to go to your salon! I think I’m going to find a new nail place (for some reason, I really like getting my nails done) and before I establish a relationship about them, ask about re-dos up-front. Because sometimes polish just dries very badly if it’s too old, and sometimes you can’t tell ’til it’s on.
It’s clear that you should never ever ever go back to that place. They will never treat you the same again. Go to a more expensive one and you’ll get the same treatment as Ashe.
P.S. Reading about the slapping. Fully expect that Vagazzle story sometime soon.
Thanks for reading! And you shan’t be disappointed — vajazzle story going up during the last week of May!
Sadly, I think y’all are right: I might need to pop for more expensive manicures. Maybe start doing my own nails at home (shocking!) and getting a proper manicure every month or so to keep my cuticles in line and my nails shaped nicely. Apparently keeping polish on them prevents me from gnawing them down, which is a nice change.
Sounds like the salon employees were super rude.
Once upon a time, I let someone I did not know cut my hair. The guy was so preoccupied with telling a story of his latest hook-up that he completely butchered it. When I realized how bad it was, I went back to request a refund and the guy pretended he did not know who I was or having ever cut my hair – despite the fact I went back less than 24 hours later.
It was really embarrassing, but since the ‘do had to be fixed, I certainly didn’t want to be any more out of pocket than I was already going to be. Like you, I never went back.
I think you were right to go back. Manicures are nothing to screw around with.
I’m so grateful my hair dresser is good. He’s reliable–never messes up anything. I’d hate to have to “shop around” for a hairdresser. Now, if he ever moves, I’ll be in dire straits!
Anyone else reminded of the episode of Seinfeld where Elaine is paranoid about what the salon workers are saying about her so she brings Frank Costanza to translate? Only it’s Korean, not Vietnamese, as Frank was in the Korean war.
I do my own manicures now. They never come out looking how I want, and me being me, I get them done on a lunch hour or something so I can’t go back for a while. Every time I get a french manicure I can still see the whites of my original nail and then an uneven strip of the fake white. It makes my nails look diseased. But now? I’ve learned the ins and outs of giving myself a french manicure, and I do it damn well.
But a pedicure? Probably going to get one today.
Okay, I realize that I am sort of known for being a bit on the ridiculously high maintenance side when it comes to things of this nature,but really, if you are going to treat yourself, you must do it well.
Clearly you have found that you enjoy it, just not at this salon. There are lots of inexpensive salons that will do a great job. You should definitely ask up front about retouches. Also, a good way to handle asking without it seeming like you are going to be a cheapster, also make a point of telling them you like to tip in between the massage and the first application of polish. It sets a standard. :)
This is excellent advice. And it means you don’t actually have to pay more (but I agree with people above, definitely go to a different place).
Ah, that’s my girl. Everytime I walk into a nail salon I walk right back out.
You are very brave indeed!