TKOG Who requests special birthday treatment

NTKOG #177: The kind of self-involved brat who assumes that just because it happens to be the anniversary of the day she made her placenta-gooey grand entrance, the skies should open and pour forth VIP treatment, free drinks, and general adulation.

I am: usually on my best behavior around Sister, whose take-no-bull Taurus accountant attitude isn’t always up for the TKOG treatment.

I am not: too into birthdays anyway. The way I see it, I need no excuse better than a great centerpiece idea to throw a party, and as for the adoration of the general populace? I mainline that shiz on a daily basis.

The Scene: Hopping around Boston on this, the anniversary of my beloved older sister’s birth. While she’s usually one for grand birthday celebrations (let’s put it this way: her 21st birthday bash boasted guests on an international basis), she decided to keep her Cheap Rental Car birthday pretty quiet. But being TKOG, I couldn’t allow that, now, could I?

The morning started with an early showing of Letters to Juliet (abominable). Buying tickets, I asked the cute little high schooler at the counter if there’s any way I could snag a free popcorn or soda in celebration. Girl shook her head, politely bewildered. I shrugged and gestured to my visibly 20-something sister: “No harm in trying. You only turn 32 once.”

The girl just squeaked, “congratulations!” and my sister and I died a quiet death, trampled under the callous disregard of teenagers, with their taut skin and casual disregard for anyone over the age of 19. Bastards.

At lunch, tried much the same treatment, but were denied so much as sandwiches with the condiments squirted on in celebratory dollops. Considered the project more or less a bust (though a win for me, as Sister was embarrassed to no end) when we walked into the final destination of the afternoon, the 5W!TS Egyptian-themed interactive puzzle-solving game Tomb. Which may or may not be designed pretty much exclusively for ten year olds. And which is definitely an experience in which you’re stuck with a group of 10-15 strangers, just oozing with the obnoxious little rascals.

As I bought our tickets, told the lovely girl at the counter that it was my sister’s birthday and lightly asked if we could have a tour to ourselves. She laughed: “Next showing’s in half an hour. Right now there’s nobody else signed up. I’ll try to keep it that way.”

“Excellent! There’s an ice cream place next door. Tell ‘em to go get a cone on me and wait for the next showing.”

Girl laughed again, but less than a minute later, jogged over to us and told us to get our things together right then — she was jamming an impromptu private tour into the schedule, just for the two of us.

Cue half an hour of genuinely difficult puzzles, running around like (not super precocious) kids, and the tour guide rolling his eyes every time I shrieked at loud noises inside the pharaoh’s birthday tomb. So basically. One of the more awesome birthday hangs of all time.

The Verdict: You see, guys? You see?! There’s really nothing you can’t get by asking nicely. Fun little math fact: Tomb only takes private bookings for groups of 12, which, at $20/head, means it costs $240 to secure half an hour of a tour guide’s time. Enter TKOG, with her 2-for-1 coupon, scoring the $240 experience for the cost of one crisp Jackson. And $220 worth of moxie and charm. Obviously.

That said, I’m still really irritated by people who feel entitled to special treatment on their birthdays, and especially people who demand free drinks from bartenders. But nicely asking people for what you want is always the right approach, and if your birthday happens to curry a little extra favor, then go for it!

Tagged as: 5W!TS, also it was really awk because i wanted to tip the tour guide but didn't know the etiquette. fortunately the tomb doors slamming shut saved that moment of awk., birthday, boston, gettin' free stuff, my birthday is in late july if you're wondering (in lieu of best wishes please send used books), my sister always complains that she never gets free stuff which confuses me because my mama was the one who taught us how to turn on the dang charm, sister is such a puzzle-solving fan that she can watch national treasure without commenting on nick cage's spray-on hair, tomb