NTKOG #182: The kind of walking public service announcement who frivolously clashes not just her clears and fermenteds, but her clears and her capsules.
I am: such a crunchy granola chick that I didn’t even know what Benedryl was until a few months ago.
I am not: starring in a revival of Valley of the Dolls. (The costumes would look horrible on me.)
The Scene: Crammed in Jet Blue coach class, taking an evening-to-late-night cross-country trip. I’ve been suffering from the Sleep Madness for a few days and was running on fumes; plus, for a variety of semi-complicated health reasons, had determined it was best for me to be sleeping during all the cabin pressure changes during take-off and landing.
Various homeopathic remedies had done nothing to cure my sleep madness, so I brought out the big guns. Many of you may not know this, but in a past life, I was something of a talented cocktail slinger. However, of all the signature cocktails I’ve crafted, none had anything on this, my finest invention:
Not pictured: two Benedryl; bad life decisions
GINEDRYL
Ingredients: shot of gin; can of ginger ale; two Benedryl; sheer desperation
- After determining there’s nothing unmissable on JetBlue’s awesome seatback entertainment system, pour whole shot of gin into dinky plastic cup. Realize there’s room for exactly half a drop of mixer; decide that’s no big problem.
- Take a sip.
- Realize there is a big friggin’ problem.
- Chug quarter can of ginger ale and pour half of plastic cup of gin into can. Mix concoction by pouring back and forth from cup to can, cackling like a deranged alchemist.
- Knock back two Benedryl with about half of the concoction. Finish the rest in hard drags, like it’s your first cigarette after a thirteen-hour flight.
- No, don’t think about smoking.
- Frig, this isn’t worki–zzzzzzzzzz.
- Wake up an hour later to remove your sleeping seatmate’s hand from your lap.
- Wake up two hours later shaking, sweating, and mere moments away from voiding the contents of your stomach all over the general populace. Damnit, where’s your airsickness bag?! Contemplate waking your two seatmates to run to the lavatory, but find yourself unable to do it.
- Angle your face toward the sleep debaucher so if you’re sick, your vom will be an agent of JUSTICE.
- Wake up several hours later in a totally different city, confused, disoriented, and feeling otherwise pretty excellent.
- Vow never to do this again.
- Probably do this again on the flight home.
The Verdict: Sometimes it surprises me to remember that I have an acutely addictive personality. Other times, I harness it to my advantage — hence my main excuse for anything I do in life being, “Well, at least I don’t have a coke problem.” Spent too much on used books? At least I don’t have a coke problem! Drinking alone in the bathtub? Hey, I don’t have a coke problem! General pallor of malaise creeping over my waking hours while I contemplate joining a fight club so I can feel feelings again? No coke here, no sirree, no bob!
That said, if I ever do develop a coke problem, every night I’ll look myself in the mirror and sigh, “Hey, at least I’m not knocking back the Ginedryls anymore.”
{ 10 comments… read them below or add one }
I am flying to Ohio next month and I am doing this. Yes to ginedryl!
Ginedryl sounds like a party
Okay, I love flying and the experience of it, however, the next time I have certain unwanted houseguests, I am certainly going to have myself a Ginedryl! Fabulous concoction. I do hope it won’t induce a siezure, but if it does, I’m thinking I will sleep right through it. Problem solved.
This is totally unrelated to the awesomeness above but I had breakfast at a restaurant by myself today (Table for 1!) and I loved it. After compulsively checking my phone for the first 15 minutes I finally settled into my book and had a gloriously satisfying dining experience. So of course I had to tell you since you’ve totally aced flying solo at meal time!
Wow, I hope your liver is okay! I have the exact opposite problem. I sleep ANYWHERE if I’m sitting still for more than 5 minutes. It’s actually quite a problem when sitting in meetings..driving.. lectures.. but it’s great on international flights! Flew to China and slept at least 98% of the trip. Only woke up to eat and stretch.
As I read this post, I am sitting in a crappy airport bar working on bourbon #3 (delayed flight) and praying that my insomnia will abate for just a couple of hours to let me sleep… I am not going to go to the convenience store (just across the way) despite the fact that it looks like the clerk is holding up a bottle of Benedryl and mocking me. But I wanted to thank you for putting the thought in my head.
Dear, Benedryl is only for crying babies and not for adults who must function. The “stuff” is a knock out drug.
I dunno; a ginadryl cocktail sounds like pretty much just the thing for an 8 hour flight in “veal-crate class”.
A friend of mine, who’s a doc, would dose his kids with Benedryl before long care trips.
For adults though, I remember learning, from friends who’d endured the San Fran-Alaska-Tokyo flight, the best way to knock yerself out for a long flight is a half bottle of NyQuil. It knocked you out for the entire Alaska-Tokyo leg, the dreams were pretty good and, ftw, you woke up congestion-free.
Dear, I am only a “doctor mom” but I must say that TKOG should have more resistance to Benedryl. Did I do wrong?