Back from the last night of Mortified. The show was sold-out and electric. My favorite Bostonians showed up to support me (bless your poor masochistic souls); unfortunately, because I was busy thanking them for coming out, there was no time for a drink before the show.
This posed a problem, as the one piece of advice I’ve internalized from my father concerns precisely such an occasion: “Always be one drink behind your audience. If they’ve had three, you should have two. If they’ve had two, have one. If they’ve had none — leave.”
Sauntered up to the bartender a few minutes before showtime. Hey, can I get a gin and ginger? I’m about to get up on stage and read some poetry I wrote when I was twelve. So, uh, you can go ahead and let discretion be the better part of pouring me this drink. Looked away while she poured, then tipped her and took a sip.
God bless her, apparently the girl remembered what it was like to be twelve.
Fantastic show all around, and, as for my performance, it reminded me that my very favorite sound in the world is a room full of people clapping and screaming for me. (Name-chanting: optional but stridently encouraged.) Funny, though. A year ago, you couldn’t have paid me to set foot on stage to intentionally humiliate myself. It’s amazing what a year of facing your fears will do.
If you made it to the show, I apologize if you found yourself uncomfortably aroused. That’s pretty much the normal reaction to me as like a human being. And if you’re a Boston dude, come see me DEFEND MY DANG TITLE in the August Mortified show!
{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Good God, woman, you have balls!!! I’d never have the guts, EVER!
You’re making me wish I lived in Boston! I’d so come see you if I did!
I was there for both Thursday and Friday shows. I was Dave G’s date/moral support – he was the “F* my parents, F* USA, F* the UK, F* you, F* me…but that’s not gonna happen” guy.
I definitely had 4 drinks and had a great time that night. Your poems were awesomely craptastic! I meant that as a compliment.
Dear, I saw your “Turkey Baster” dad on “America’s Got Talent” from Dallas. Suspect he may have had way too many drinks as he lasted only 20 seconds before he was XXXed out. Dear, I have to admit that 20 seconds is the best part of TB Dad if you know what I mean. I’d keep it to one drink to be on the safe side.
The main reason I wasn’t there is that the SR-71 is in the shop. ;-) Otherwise I’d have sent it over to the Coast to pick up the Ex as well! (after I got to Boston, cos I’ve never been there before).
That I know what a SR-71 is, reminds me that I’m getting old!
I was really excited, because I read this before the comment it referred to, and I was like, “Wait, I know what SR-71 is too! They sang that song from ‘Dude, Where’s My Car?’” But apparently y’all had a different meaning in mind.
Ok, there’s obviously a double meaning in there that I didn’t know about; I was referring to the Lockheed SR-71 “Blackbird” spy plane.
Oh and Dave, I’m old enough to be TKOG’s father (but am not and never have been a US Postal Service employee or in the performing arts).
“(but am not and never have been a US Postal Service employee or in the performing arts)” — this cracked me up!
Ken, dear, you did promise to keep quiet on the subject. I’ve traveled (note American spelling) the UK as you well know.
I’m just pleased we can all have a sense of humour about this. :-D
And Mom, there are some things that a real gentleman does not talk about; exactly whom he has known in a Biblical sense is just one of them.
Ken O, dear, that is why I am always mum!
I’m sure I’m not the first one to ask you this BUT….
I was reading [a certain magazine] the other day… (and if you start nodding your head now you know what I mean..)
Note: Tricky, madam! That was absolutely me! Apparently I talk about my tastes in drink and literature far more than I thought on here… And apologies for defiling your comment, but just trying to keep low profile! :-)
HAH! I knew it. And no worries, being anon is essential.
Sounds fabulous! You are becoming a whole New Kind of Girl
Congratulations on becoming a whole new woman! Can’t wait to hear more!