Hey kittens, part two of my Infrequently Asked Questions post. Check out the first installment, if you missed it (highlights: The Ex and I break up in a sex motel; TKOMom has a crush on one of my commentators; I’m not-so-secretly stalking Ryan North.)
I’m working on an All About The Ex post to hit those questions in one go, but for now, a few more awesome questions.
From Kathryn:
What was/were your favorite book(s) when you were younger?
When I was a TKOToddler, my dad used to read us lots of Enid Blyton books and stories (holla atcha, Famous Five). In third grade, I devoured Louisa May Alcott, Laura Ingalls Wilder, and all that other Obedience Porn. The first book that really changed me, though, was Lois Lowry’s The Giver, which I read in the fifth grade and have reread a few times a year since. It sparked the passion for dystopian literature that was so instrumental in getting me bullied within an inch of my life all throughout middle school. And it was worth it.
What’s your favorite now? Your top five, desert island keeper?
Top five deserted island books now:
- The World of Jeeves, PG Wodehouse, which is probably cheating because it’s an out-of-print omnibus of all the Jeeves stories.
- The Playboy Book of Humor and Satire, which I really need you not to buy on Amazon, because it was printed in the ’60s and has a crappily glued spine that falls apart if you look at it funny. It’s my goal to gradually buy every existing copy of this book.
- Catch-22, Joseph Heller. I’ve pretty much got this memorized.
- Lolita, Nabokov. The great American modernist novel, and the most brilliant existing ode to America’s freeway system as the digestive tract of democracy.
- The Confessions of Max Tivoli, Andrew Sean Greer. On the surface level, the intensity and beauty of his prose is almost Nabokovian. It’s also just an extremely poignant, heart-breaking reflection of getting a second chance at first love, a theme that I hold dear to my heart. Plus, the last scene makes me friggin’ WEEP.
Michelle asked:
I think you want to pursue a MFA program for creative writing, correct? What would be you DREAM grad program and why?
Applying this fall for programs starting in 2011! I’m applying to twenty or so programs (ugh), but my top two are Iowa City Writers Workshop (which needs no explanation) and Syracuse, where George Saunders teaches. Truly, if any man is worth living in Syracuse for, it’s George Saunders. In Persuasion Nation grated me down to a bloody, writhing pulp. I basically just want to stare at him all day and leave anonymous trays of cupcakes in his office. (Please god let me admit none of this in my personal statement.)
What is your most favorite of all baked goods?
Carrot cake, Rull Southern Style, with cream cheese frosting and coconut and pineapple and a picture of Wilford Brimley gazing at you reproachfully.
Have you read/do you like Harry Potter?
Read ‘em all and thought they were okay, but I think there are many modern YA series that are much more worthy of the attention. If you know any cool dudes in the tween set, you should introduce them to The Mysterious Benedict Society (Trenton Stewart), The Schwa Was Here (Neal Shusterman), The Disreputable History of Frankie Landau Banks (E. Lockwood), and the Kiki Strike series (Kirsten Miller). All recent YA books with a prominent spot on my shelf. They’ll give even the most reluctant reader their first experience reading until the sun comes up. (Plus, reading Kiki Strike will turn your favorite 12-year-old into a real-life Veronica Mars. Pinky swear.)
From Euphorilla:
Have you ever wanted to stop all of this, cancel your blog and such? If yes, what made you change your mind?
I’ve never wanted to cancel the blog, per se, but because I assigned myself so stupidly many NTKOGS (5x a week? Slave-driver!), I’ve definitely had tantrums and wanted to take a few weeks off. But even if it takes a few sub-par posts, I just keep chugging along for two reasons: 1) I genuinely love my readers, and if I quit posting, y’all will stop talking to me!; 2) I’ve always been a total Hindenburg. Great concept; shitty execution. The idea of accomplishing such an epic goal is intoxicating!
Have some “real life people” found out about this blog? What do they think?
My anonymity is only one-way; anyone who contacts me through my real-life Twitter, Facebook or gmail accounts definitely knows that the blog exists. It amazes me, though, how many people from my real life actually read the blog — people I totally forgot even existed. The other day, I got a, like, fanmail from a girl with whom literally the only interaction I’ve ever had was her being a total asshole to me in ninth-grade summer school PE. There’s really nothing you can even say to an email like that. “You’ll be happy to learn I figured out the secret of deodorant? So, um, keep reading?”
From Paula (who I am totally unsurprised is the one to ask this awesome question):
If you could only drink one type of drink for the rest of your life, what would you choose? (You can have one alcoholic choice, and one non-alcoholic choice if you like, because I am nice like that, and also you might not want to be drunk ALL the time . . .)
I might NOT want to be drunk all the time?! Correct me if I’m wrong, but did you just ask me for a CHALLENGE?! Perma-booze: gin & ginger ale. Non-alcoholic: assuming water is a freebie, I’d go for Fresca. But from the bottle, not the can, because aluminium aftertaste reminds me of licking dollar bills.
From Caitlin (who, if her bookstore is in Boston, should email me so I can come check it out):
If you could bake any cookie for Ryan Seacrest, what kind would they be?
My first instinct is to suggest Butterscotch Chip With Ex-Lax Shavings, but, honestly, I don’t know enough of the guy’s oeuvre to have anything against him. So I’d whip up a nice batch of Garlic Chip Cookies, in hopes that he’d hate ‘em and I could keep the leftovers.
Emma asked:
What’s your favorite kind of shoes?
On me: my men’s size-9 Rainbow flipflops, which I wear every single day that there isn’t active precipitation. On dudes: anything except white sneakers. On cute girls I see on the street: please not gladiator sandals. I don’t get it! If you care about fashion enough to wear ridiculous shoes — and obviously you do — why not just wear heels? They make your calves look gooood!
From clily22:
What is your personal style (fashion-wise)?
If you couldn’t tell by the men’s flipflops, I have literally no fashion sense. My daily uniform: floaty knee-length hippie skirt, flipflops, non-descript tank top under a Gap t-shirt. Glasses, no make-up, curly hair however it dries out of the shower. If you walked past me on the street, I guarantee you wouldn’t look twice. Unless I was doing some sort of NTKOG that involves acting like a crazy person, obviously…
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Dudes. THESE ARE MY FRIGGIN’ THOUGHTS. Keep sending your questions, if you’re so inclined. $5 Amazon certificates on Monday to my two faves. Also, lest you fear I’ve lost control of the blog, I’m going to start interweaving these posts with regularly scheduled NTKOGs.
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I was SUCH an Enid Blyton fan as a child, although last year I re-read the Faraway Tree stories and realised that they were actually quite badly written…
Plus they are apparently very non-pc and have now had to be changed in lots of ways. Which I find appalling. There’s such a thing as being TOO PC I think…
NO! When editors get rid of the gollywogs they’re single-handedly editing out entire chunks of our childhoods! I haven’t re-read the Faraway Tree stories in a while, but I just reread a few Secret Seven books and they weren’t nearly as good as I remembered.
Fortunately, the Famous Five books remain absolutely fantastic. In my family, we often joke about giving Timmy ginger beer, or how various meals are “a banquet fit for a king. ‘Fit for several kings!’ said Dick,” because everyone knows that any good children’s series requires a hilariously gluttonous character. I basically spent the first seven years of my life fantasizing about running away to Kirrin Island.
I’m also a big fan of Ms. Blyton’s little-kid stories — all the fairy tea parties and forgetful wizards and heavy-handed parables about eating too much sticky toffee pudding. (Actually, in retrospect, she was a pretty rabid anti-fat. I guess a lot of children’s authors are. [That means you, Roald Dahl...])
Seconded on the Gollywogs. Ok, growing up in Scotland in the 1960s and 70s you didn’t meet many “black” people, but to us a Gollywog was a soft toy, not a representation of an actual person.
Dear, your BC Dad might read this column so as much as I do adore Dave’s admiration, I think it best to state that I do NOT have a crush on him, but I have stalked him. Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there and special hugs to all of TKOG’s dads, especially the “Turkey Baster.” So sad that he was xxx ed out of “America’s Got Talent.” I really loved that guy!
It was terrific while it lasted, no?
On a bright note, now I have a stalker!
As Kahlia might say, “So I have that going for me, which is nice!”
ha! yes!
(I haven’t been commenting a lot recently, because the comment feature does not seem to like my phone and I’ve been reading the blog on my phone a lot. But I still love all of the posts & comments!)
Have you had any more stories published/accepted for publication since your post on it? Also, where can we find your published stories?
Thanks for answering, keep them coming!
^_^
Lolita AND The Giver?
Gah. The Giver. A local Indianapolis theater put on an incredible stage adaptation of it last fall – it was so impressive I almost peed myself and none of my friend and family understand.
And LOLITA, what a fucked up book. As an English major it’s hard to pick an all-time favorite novel but Lolita is about as close as it gets for me.
Good luck on your grad school applications! AH! :)
A stage production of The Giver?! I can’t even imagine how that would be adapted. Oh, but I so, so want to.
Dude. DUDE. If you end up in Iowa City, we are going to be BFF’s and such. I mean, I don’t live in Iowa City, I live on the other side of the state… but it’s really not THAT far. It is Iowa, after all. So, I am rooting for that one.
Summer school PE? Details?
I promise it wasn’t remedial PE! Although if that had been an option, I probably would have. In my high school, though, a lot of kids in the IB program and AP classes had too many classes for their schedules, so they ended up taking summer school PE to free up some room. Also, for the record: 200 teenagers (plus) Vegas heat (minus) great sense of personal hygiene = bad friggin’ news.
After two summers of half-sessions of summer school PE, I ended up taking the rest of my PE units by correspondence through BYU. Which was great life training in … lying to Mormons about my physical flexibility and eating habits? I guess?
You answered my question! I like that you dug the ‘obedience porn’ because for whatever reason, no one ever gave me Little Women or Little House as a child and I didn’t read them until I was a teenager, when they promptly became favorites (along with Anne of Green Gables). I, I’m slightly ashamed to admit, was a series kid. BSC and Nancy Drew all the way. Only classic Nancy Drew, however, none of the newfangled paperback crap.
I always like to know the all-time favorite books/novels of fellow English majors. I graduated this past May with a BA in English, and begin work on my MLIS this fall. I sometimes feel like the most unliterary English major alive, because my favorite books are still “A Tree Grows in Brooklyn” and Betty Smith’s lesser known “Joy in the Morning”