NTKOG #209: The kind of syrupy do-gooder who pukes virtue all over you, Girl-Scout-style.
I am: taking “being an awesome human being” pass-fail.
I am not: happy about it. It’s hard, being human. That’s the only thing I know for sure.
The Scene: The normal settings of my daily life, but seen a little askew, and that much more clearly. I’ll skip the less-than-lurid details, but I’ve spent a lot of time lately thinking about faith and ethics – two topics that I’ve never really given much thought before this project, a fact that I suspect isn’t a coincidence.
Over the years, in my quest to become less of a lowly wretch, I’ve uncovered the following highly sophisticated ethical code for becoming a better person: Don’t Be An Asshole.
Fuck yeah, bro, we’re getting enlightened all up in here.
Seriously, though, it may be profane and it may sound reproachfully obvious, but it fulfills my two criteria for solid dogma: it’s hard to do, and feels really good when you get it right.
Wanna save two bucks by “forgetting” to scan that can of Pringles in the self-checkout lane at Stop’n’Shop? Don’t be an asshole. Crazy homeless guy on the street tries to talk to you about the reptilian computer chip implanted in his brain? Don’t be an asshole. Perfect beach weather for calling in “sick” at work and leaving your co-worker to finish the expense reports? Don’t be an asshole. But he was totally an asshole first! C’mon, don’t make me say it again.
Yeah, it’s basically Buddhism For Douchebags.
Anyway, not that I’m perfect at living this motto by any means (just call my office at 4:55pm on a Friday) but I figured, hey, what if I stepped up my game and tried to, y’know, actively do good?
So I tried it. Simple goal: every work day, keep my eyes peeled for opportunities to perform – in the Boys Scouts terminology – three Acts Of Kindness. Not those normal semi-decent things that periodically fall in our laps and make us feel like modern-day gurus. Actively seek out moments to be just a little more than not-an-asshole.
It’s funny how many small, good things there are that need doing, if you’re looking for them. Tiny things that don’t cost you anything, not even energy, yet create a strong positive charge between you and someone you’ll never see again.
The Verdict: Sometimes I think it’s not so hard, being an okay person. Actually remembering to do it’s the tricky part.
I henceforth declare this a good-karma Friday. What small, good things have strangers done for you lately? And isn’t it awesome to be a human?
{ 14 comments… read them below or add one }
My car sprung a leak a few weeks ago and the mechanic said I would not be able to drive it home from work. One of my customers, who I always thought was a douche, heard of my plight, and offered the keys to his brand new truck to get home. I had already found a ride home, but what a nice gesture.
And yes, I did feel like an asshole for thinking bad thoughts about him.
Dave! I love this story! Finding out I’ve been misjudging someone for the worse is one of the rare occasions on which I’m delighted to be proven wrong.
“What small, good things have strangers done for you lately? And isn’t it awesome to be a human?”
What a great question.
Studies have shown that people give 5 times more weight to negative things than positive things. For instance, one study showed it took 5 compliments to balance out the effect of 1 insult. So, I tend to not even remember the random acts of kindness. They get overshadowed by that bitch or douchebag who cut me off on the highway or sped up once they saw my turn signal.
I can’t remember the last thing a stranger did for me! I guess I will say something boring. Like holding the door. I’m sure I’ve had the door held open for me recently.
Lame!
“being an awesome human being pass-fail”? LOVE IT.
Another great post!
Have I ever told you you’re inspiring?
‘Cause you are!
About good-karma-friday…I don’t remember… I need to go out more perhaps!
I know someone else mentioned a car problem and something similar happened to me the other day. I had a blow out on the busiest/most dangerous in more than one way highway in Dallas at 5pm the other day. I pulled off to the side and called my boyfriend to see if he could come help. All of a sudden a car pulls over and this scary looking man ( I KNOW IM JUDGMENTAL) jumps out and jumps into my car, moves it farther off the highway, gets in my trunk, grabs my spare changes my tire then takes off. All within 2 minutes. I don’t know if he could speak English or if he just didn’t have time but I not a word was uttered besides my desperate thanks as he drove away!
He was like my own ghetto superhero! And THAT was nice.
I forgot to move my car from a metered space this morning, so I will be contributing $25 to the fine work of Boston’s municipal employees today. I assume that counts.
Ha, as long as you don’t write any swear words in the check’s memo field, sounds like a good deal to me.
I don’t remember any off-hand. :(
OTOH I have witnessed a road accident, and had my car stopped and placed to create a place of safety for the motorcyclists involved just about before the wreckage came to rest.
I was wondering, Miss, if you might be so kind as to provide an example? Not that I doubt you, I’m just curious.
But if you talk about it, that takes all the good out!
This is a great idea, and I’m going to try to follow it! I like think I’m pretty good at the “don’t be an asshole” way of life, but I rarely go out of my way to help a stranger out.
You rock, and I wish I could hear what your acts of kindness are without it “taking the good out”!
Also, what would you recommend for a Wodehouse virgin? After going through over 100 NTOGs in your archive over the past week you’ve convinced me that I need to pop my cherry, so to speak.
Man I need to remember this one. Ok quiz- is having a thing with the best friend of a guy you used to really really like (he’s got a girlfriend) an asshole move?
(but if I’m honest with myself, if I have to question it, I reckon I know the answer already ..
:(
)
P.S. new to your blog, it’s really really wonderful!
That’s a fantastic idea! I’ll totally try it out and let you know how it goes.
My car has broken down a lot this year and I’ve been helped by lots of different stangers who have pushed my car out of the way, sat with me until the towtruck/parent/bofriend arrived and yelled at people who got angry with me for blocking traffic. I think people in general are much kinder than we realise.