NTKOG #237: The kind of starry-eyed, thoughtfully generous citizen of the universe who can chirpily remind herself to “pay it forward” without even stopping to sneer about that godawful Kevin Spacey movie.
I am: shocked, Kevin Spacey. You’re better than that. Costner, maybe, but dude, we expected so much more from you.
I am not: one of those angel in bluejeans types. For starters, I almost never wear pants.
The Scene: The “pay it forward” experience actually starts a bit before the NTKOG, with a lovely interaction in my office. On Tuesday afternoon, in those grumpy last dregs of the workday, a man limped into my office and leaned toward me: “I have a strange request.”
Dude, we’re 15 work-hours into the month. My life is a long, strange request.
But it turned out he meant really strange. He stuck his foot on my desk to show me the sandal that had completely snapped in half, then asked if he could borrow a stapler to try to fix it enough to get home.
Sir, say no more. We sandal-wearers need to stick together. As my boss stepped around him with unbridled consternation, I ducked around the office fetching staplers in increasingly heavy gauges and, when that seemed destined for failure, dug through my drawers to find masking tape and binder clips. Happily, though, staples seemed enough for his mission, and after a few minutes, he thanked me and left.
I thought nothing of it until the next day, when, at the nascent-migraine stage of late afternoon, a familiar face popped into the room and the hapless sandal wearer walked up to my desk. Dude, what now? Did he rip a seam on his pants?
I asked about his footware (he swung his whole leg up on my desk to show off the snappy new sandals), then pulled out a grocery bag. “Chocolate or vanilla?”
Um, what?
Chocolate or vanilla. He pulled out two of those tiny convenience-store containers of Haagen Dazs, then unsheathed two plastic soup spoons from the pocket of his khakis. I thanked my guardian angel of ice cream and enjoyed the treat. Small, good things.
The happy little story arc seemed to be perfect timing, too: all week I’d been psyching myself up to pull a classic “pay it forward” for the blog, but had kept ducking out of it because I never seemed to go to any stores that were appropriate for the task. I charged out of work that Wednesday, though, fired up to pay forward the sandal man’s little kindness.
But you know how plans are, right? Shortly after the man came, I did something unwittingly oafish at work. On the bus ride to the BPL, I compounded my accidental offense by saying something so devastatingly idiotic that it seemed practically calculated to be hurtful.
Instead of skipping into the world, a spreader of light and doer of good deeds, I ended up pacing outside the BPL in the jaws of a soul-crushing shame spiral, all but convinced that the passing pedestrians were mere moments from gathering their torches and pitchforks and chasing me out of town like the monster I am.
Doer of good deeds? Please, I can’t even handle neutral social interactions.
Then, just as I was prepared to close up shop and declare myself a failure for the day, I thought of sandal man and the ice cream he brought. Small good things. Trying to be a better person isn’t about being perfect all the time. It’s enough of a step in the right direction to take one stupid babystep right when you feel like curling up in the fetal position and sending the world away.
So before I retreated for the night to lick my wounds, I made a stop at the Finale in Coolidge Corner, where I bought treats for me and my sister, and one of their magically delightful whoopie pies for, y’know, whoever the next person who walked into the store happened to be.
The Verdict: Not life-changing for anyone involved, but pleasant. I’m trying very hard, day by day, to be a better person in microscopic little ways. And like all processes, some days go better than others. But at least I didn’t give up without a whimper.
{ 5 comments… read them below or add one }
I thought Helen Hunt was way more annoying in Pay it Forward. Spacey can really do no wrong in my eyes.
As a dude who has willingly watched “Beyond The Sea” multiple times, I’ll go ahead and second the Spacey love. Still thought it was a pretty awful film, though. Definitely a case of an artist being too good for his project…
well…did you choose chocolate or vanilla?
This is going to sound silly, but I want you to know the “be better” posts on your blog are kind of a pay it forward thing too. They make me so happy and “sentimental faith in humanity”-y that it makes me want to run out and buy the nearest homeless person a five course meal of their choice.
So now I look homeless people in the eyes and smile (and they smile back. And strike up conversations. Strange conversations about how I should never do drugs and also watch out because the prime minister is really a werewolf, but still).
And I’m writing to the soldier whose address was left in the comments to the original TKOP post (for personal reasons the actual TKOP is not for me).
Also, I smile at people. All. The. Time. Granted I used to smile a lot before as well, but I think doing it consciously makes your own day better too because you notice how people react positively. Plus, and this is kinda weird (but good for my bruised hopelessly crushing on someone I can’t have who is living across the world and really kind of a jerk anyway ego), I get asked out about twice a week by random strangers I smiled at. And I’m NTKOG who gets asked out by random strangers on the street. Especially not in my gym clothes and no makeup.
Dear, such a sweet story. Sandal man is very sensitive, dear, and you will remember him always. He’s a kind and generous soul as are you!