You guys! Over 75 people entered to win the three Vajazzleville vajazzle kits I’m giving away! This blows my friggin’ mind!

Added to my list of “have-done” life activities: convincing OVER 75 PEOPLE that it’s a pretty good idea to GLUE RHINESTONES TO THEIR VULVAE! To get a little perspective on how many people that is, imagine The Last Supper six friggin’ times. Except everyone’s got Disco Crotch.

Basically all I’m saying here is that this might be the greatest thing I’ve ever done, and I love all of you for getting on-board with the weirdness and fun of vajazzling. I’d like to give sloppy platonic make-outs to all of you, but I can only give vajazzle kits to a lucky three.

To choose the winners, smacked all the competitors’ names in an Excel spreadsheet (like it’s my job. which it actually kind of it.) and used Random.org to choose three winners.

Winner! #53: Tara Melissa, who said: “I want to try it because it sounds hilariously awesome. My boyfriend and cat, however, are ambivalent.”

Personally, pets’ indifference to the state of my vulva is one of the primary attributes I value in them. But to each her own. In this case: her own brand-new sparkly vulva.

Winner! #40: Chelsea, “need need need them (and I don’t say need)…and do you want to know why I need them. Well I recently had my (4 year) engagement broken off, I have a broken heart & my life is in a state of flux & I think my vagina & I would benefit from a little beautifying and what better way to do so than to get my VAJAZZLE on!!”

Amen, dude.

Winner! #58: Svastik, “I’ve been studying abroad this semester and I can’t wait to go back home in less than four weeks to my long-term boyfriend.. and while we already figured that this summer we’ll do everything we’ve never done sex-related (e.g. fornicate during a Metallica concert), I’m guessing a dazzling vajazzle kit would pretty much be the (sparkly) cherry on top ^_^”

As a victory cry, “Now I’m going to fornicate at a Metallica concert!” beats the hell out of, “I’m going to Disneyland!” any day of the dang week.

Thanks for entering, loves, and congratulations to the winners! I expect y’all to report back here after you’ve tried the goods! But, uh, probably not with pictures.

While we’re talking about bodies, on Secret Society of List Addicts: tattoos I’d consider getting if tattoos weren’t a terrible idea for my body.

The dazzling minds at Vajazzleville.com have very generously donated three vajazzle kits to this blog. You know what this means, loves: VAJAZZLE KIT GIVEAWAY!

If you haven’t, take a mo to read my review of my vajazzling experience. And if you’ve already read it, then — uh, can we just take a second to contemplate how weird it is that I’m suddenly vajazzle proselytizer #1? BUT I AM. Because vajazzling was surprisingly amazing.

In order to enter, just leave a comment on this blog entry. (You’d probably also be smart to follow @vajazzleville on Twitter, because they do giveaways on Fridays. I know I’ll be entering. I have a sickness — and both the cause and solution are vajazzling.)

Because I haven’t said the word vajazzle enough, here are the top ten reasons you really should throw your cares to the wind and try vajazzling:

1. Vajazzleville kits only take fifteen seconds to apply, and come in a variety of cute patterns.
2. Bathroom breaks at work are approximately 500% more fun when you spend thirty seconds twisting your pelvis to admire the light playing on your crotch disco ball.
3. Surprise everyone who’s grown complacent with your vagina! Including but not limited to: your sig, your gyno, and those annoying neighbors who can close their own damn blinds if they’re really so concerned about privacy.
4. Next time vajazzling comes up among your friends, you’ll have the “Oh! Funny story ’bout that…” to end all, oh, funny stories ’bout that.
5. As The Ex said, it’s easy to get guys to look down there, but when you vajazzle, they can’t look away.
6. It’s just kind of friggin’ hilarious.
7. You’re a feminist, dude. Things you can do with your vagina: whatever the hell you want. Talk to it, pet it, put on a puppet show with it. BEDAZZLE IT.
8. I’m sending out these kits from work, which, in the state of Massachusetts, I’m reasonably sure makes me a registered sex trafficker. Might as well make my noble sacrifice worthwhile.
9. Finally, a reason to justify all that soul-sucking pubic hair removal.
10. You know you want to try it, dude. Look into your heart.

Leave a comment! By noon on Friday! Then I might send you a free vajazzle kit! And you, like me, will be weirdly won over and confused about why you’re so fond of vajazzling that you ignore your mother’s urgent email pleas with you to stop writing about vagina stuff on the internet!

Guys, thank you so much for enthusiastically entering my giveaway! I was completely overwhelmed by the number of responses! I truly appreciated all the comments, and am working my way both through the songs (some awesome ones so far!) and checking out all of your blogs that aren’t on my Google Reader yet. It’s slow going because my current work computer neither works nor computes, but I’ll get there!

Anyway, that’s not what you came here to see! After a few hours of Excel spreadsheet torture, I asked random.org to pick an iPod winner. The magic of randomness chose:

Reading through the comments and typing in 519 entries gave me plenty of time to listen to your music recommendations. Currently stuck in my head: "Canadian, Please." YouTube that magic in honor of the olympics, dudes!

Congratulations to Kelly L of [Insert Clever Title Here]! Enjoy your bright red, 8 gig, slightly late valentine! And thanks to everyone else for entering!

GUYS! It has already been established that I am unambiguously the worst dancer in the continental United States. Here’s where you profit from it.

NTKOG #102: The kind of loyal blogger who is so appreciative of her (badass) readers that she showers them in gifts beyond her means.

I am: broke.

I am not: above peddling my physical charms (ha!) for the masses to earn said gifts.

The Scene: Agganis Arena, Friday night, watching the Terriers men’s hockey team facecrush UMass. Near the end of the second interval, my favorite moment of the games: the dance-off for an iPod! I won one of these with my STELLAR flailings a few months back, during a not-so-packed basketball game, and — though this is totally pathetic to admit — I was hungry for another victory.

I will not confirm that I practiced my most horrifying dance moves before the match, nor that I donned my trusty fedora for extra stand-out effect. And any rumors that I deliberately sneaked into a less populated area of the stands so the camera would have an easier time finding me? Are vulgar. And, um, accurate.

I danced my spastic heart out and the camera found me right away — not that I knew because I was watching the jumbotron, oh no, I could just hear the difference in the crowd the moment I popped up on the screen.

The biggest proof that I truly am the worst dancer in the world? Not that the whole student section was on their feet shrieking and guffawing for my dancing skills — not that the camera shook from the cameraman’s laughter — not that the universe has given me not one but two iPods just to stop me from dancing. The real proof is that none of this surprises me.

I don’t know if 5,361 people have ever laughed at you — at you — while you just kept rocking your middle-schooler heart out, but I was doing it for you, guys. I was doing it for you.

HOW TO WIN A FRIGGIN’ iPOD NANO

Details: Brand new red 8gig iPod Nano — one of the sexy new ones with the big screens; gets radio and shoots video as well. Comes with earbuds and USB 2.0 cable. Although, full disclosure, BC alumni: it does have “Go Terriers! www.agganisarena.com” engraved on the back. But, dude, free iPod. Just pop for a cover if it bugs you.

How To Get Entries: For the sake of my Excel headache, please leave a separate comment for each entry type. And make sure all comments have a valid email address attached so I can get in touch with you if you win. Giveaway open to international readers as well (let’s be pen pals! mail me foreign candy!).

One Entry: Leave a comment telling me a song I should download on my own (very old) iPod.

Two Entries: Follow me in your RSS reader, then comment to let me know. If you were already following me, just comment to let me know that as well!

Two Entries: Tweet a link to this giveaway, then comment here with the URL. Maybe something along the lines of: “Win a friggin’ 8gig iPod Nano from @WhatKindOfGirl. Dude, how are you not clicking this link aready?! http://notthatkindofgirl.net”. Or, y’know, a less Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle phrasing…

Three Entries: Become a fan of my blog on Facebook by clicking here and hitting subscribe. Comment here to let me know you did it.

Five Entries: Blog about this giveaway, then comment here with the URL. (And total bonus point if the entry includes an awesome pic of you too being a terrible dancer.)

Giveaway ends at NOON on FRIDAY, FEBRUARY 12!

That way, you can get your cute red iPod in the mail right after the Valentine’s Day chocolate high wears off. So spread the word! Tell your friends and fam! I’ll be busy updating my resume to include “two-time award-winning dancer”…

Guys! The mystical powers over at Random.org have spoken, and of the 156 entries in the giveaway, the winner of my giveaway is #19: Dani, from She Laughs Too Easily & Cries Too Hard.

Congratulations, Dani! Email coming in a minute. I’ve got to admit, I’m dying of curiosity to find out whether Wodehouse, soap or sex toys will end up with the winning vote…

Also, thank you marvelous people so much for all the entries and wonderful comments! I was quite frankly overwhelmed by the quantity of submissions and especially with the quality of recommended NTKOGs! I’ll definitely be trying many of them in the coming months (and will remember to give credit where it’s due.)

***

Okay, that said, I have no NTKOG goodness for you today, but, because I am the most popular person on the internet, have TWO GUEST POSTS UP on wonderful blogs!

First: a guest post up at The Secret Society of List Addicts describing the top five headaches that regularly send me reaching for my Excedrin. My personal favorites? The “my ex-boyfriend’s new girlfriend” and the “holy shit, when was my last tetanus shot?!”. Two endearing migraine classics. Third favorite? The SHEER JOY-graine you’ll get when you inevitably read the rest of the archives over at Secret Society of List Addicts. Seriously, love it.

Second: an article about statement necklaces over at Her Southern Heart, which is a great site to check out if you love looking at pretty things. (Not that I would know. Currently: google imaging skin diseases and writing erotica about them.) I’m nobody’s fashionista, but seeing as how I regularly rock the meat cleaver necklace, felt it my duty to pass my love for statement necklaces onto the general pop.

Just to up the random factor on this grab-bag post, a blurry photo of said meat cleaver necklace. Isn't it magical?!

Happy Wednesday, kids!

[Edit: Just heard back from Dani, and she quite cleverly chose the sex toy! What would y'all have chosen?]

[Wednesday morning edit: A winner has been picked, but not yet contacted! Waiting for a guest post to go up before I link. Winner should be up by noon!]

BLOG GIVEAWAY!!!

Get psyched get psyched get psyched! You guys, since the dawn of this little blog, I’ve wanted to be one of those fancy bloggers who bribes her readers to delurk celebrates her badass readership by strewing them with prizes galore. Then I remembered, of course, that a) am kind of the antithesis of fancy girly bloggy giveaway-ness; and b) am funding this out of my own wallet, in which generations of moths are happily breeding. Thus, this giveaway is going to be weird, as you have come to expect from TKOG.

Um, can we talk about SOME PRIZES?!

We can, guys. We can. Because it is my ambition to be universally pleasing, I’ve selected a variety of three prizes from which you can choose:

PG Wodehouse novel. Chosen by TKOG. Probably something out of print. If you haven’t read Wodehouse, let me tell you that if my absurd wordplay brings ever the faintest glimmer of a smile to your face, then Wodehouse will change yo’ dang life.

OR

Yummy Lush goodies. Something floral or sweet or citrusy or masculine — whatever pleases you. If it’s not obvious, I’m totally obsessed with Lush, and would be happy to spread their gospel. We can talk about your preferences and I’ll send either a massage bar (good for sexytimes!) or some yummy soap (good for all the times.)

OR

Something fun from Good Vibrations. I still have a coupon there from the blowjob class I took a while back, and could use it to pick up something vanilla, suitable for solo play or couples, of either gender.

Do none of these prize ideas work for you? Well, if you don’t like reading, bathing or fornicating, I think you might be at the wrong blog. Apologies, loves.

Okay, what do I do to get my hands on some of this magic?

Good question, guys. Sad to admit that aside from giving one of you guys something COMPLETELY AWESOME, this, like every other blog giveaway, is a bit of a promotions game. I’m sorry! That makes me feel like a jerk! I assure you it’s uncharacteristic of me even to engage in! Buuuuut:

Participants can earn up to five entries; one each for the following tasks:

1. Leave a comment on this blog entry. It can just say “hi” or “dude” or you can leave it blank — I’m not picky!
2. Follow me on an RSS reader (or already have been following me.) and let me know in a comment here. Honor system.
3. Tweet about this giveaway. Be sure to include my twitter handle — @WhatKindOfGirl — and a link to this entry so I can verify it.
4. Mention this giveaway on your own blog. With a link, please! No need for anything elaborate — just a mention, and possibly a link, and, ooh, maybe you could Photoshop a picture of Hugh Laurie gazing soulfully at me, or — wait. What were we talking about?
5. Suggest something I’m Not The Kind of Girl to do. Have any ideas for NTKOGs that might be funny/embarrassing for me to do, and utterly delightful for you to read about? My only specifications: nothing too $$$, and not karaoke. I’m already the karaoke queen. Leave suggestions in a comment here, email ‘em, tweet ‘em, mash ‘em, fry ‘em — whatever.

But TKOG! I don’t have a blog/what is RSS/Tweeting is a Web 2.0 tool for the sexting generation!

That’s cool, kittens. You can go ahead and get UP TO FIVE ENTRIES for suggesting NTKOGs, even if you don’t do any of the other options. Sound fair?

Deadline is noon, Tuesday, December 15! At which point, I’ll shoot all the entries into a randomizer and pick a winner.

You guys are you JUST TOO EXCITED?! I for one am just too excited.